[Football explained, or not!] H is for…

Posted on November 7, 2015 by Steve Morgan

HESITANT… as memories of the fallen dead from previous wars mingle with memories of what Cardiff City actually scoring a goal is like. With a run of four goalless matches the home hackles have been handicapped by happenstance.

But H is also for HANDSOME… as the home team’s centre forward hangs hypnotically in the air to head heavenly into the current roll of honour…

Everyone knows that H can be for HYSTERIA… as the hoi polloi pay homage to haughty hombres in their own hedonistic hallucinatory ways, clearly haemorrhaging any sense of harmonic hegemony…

But finally H was to be for HYPERBOLE… as any potential hollow hostility gives way to a herculean heist of the headlines as homies haggle over the hierarchy as they hypothesise over hammy heroics…

As for my heinous heretic of hogwash at home, I’m hoping for hassle-free honesty rather than harassed haranguing from the haggard haemorrhoid! Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Reading 0, with the locals having played 16, won 6, drawn 7, and lost 3, which puts them currently 7th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] G is for…

Posted on October 27, 2015 by Steve Morgan

GRUDGE… as my in-house ‘Genial General‘ prepares for the visit of the rivals from across the River Severn, whose name should not be uttered! Apparently this is a goad germinated in childhood that generates grievance at the memories of galling gallantry unrewarded. “Grow up” is what comes to mind for me! Meanwhile, on the pitch, it seems that the rivals compete at the genius idea of gladiatorial grappling in preparation for the big game…

However, as the teams line-up for kick-off it becomes clear that G is for GRATUITOUS, as any gauntlet of rivalry is quickly gobbled up in the genealogy of those on display. Just how many Cardiff players are Cardiffians, or Bristol players Bristolians?

By the half-time whistle G is beginning to represent GENTEEL, as the garrulous gathering are given mere gesture rather than glamour or glory. The gainful gravitas of the substitute gophers provides more grace than the gaffe-prone galaxy grovelling in the gloom of the changing rooms.

Finally, it would appear that G is for GUNGE, as the guarantee of glamorous galacticos’ offering guile and gloss belongs in a far distant groove; only to be replaced by ginormous gimps providing a gallery of garbage best summed up as guano. The grating grimace of a glance at the final scoreboard is only gazumped by the guiltless gargoyles on the pitch grubbing for garlands.

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella, though on the display just portrayed I might stick with the funny shaped ball game… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Bristol City 0, with the locals having played 13, won 5, drawn 6, and lost 2, which puts them currently 8th in the league (though God knows how!).

[Football explained, or not!] F is for…

Posted on October 21, 2015 by Steve Morgan

FERVENT… as the local taunt to the opposition is a rendition of ‘Men of Harlech‘ with the uncompromising line that ‘Welshmen will not yield‘!

But, all too noticeably, F is for FASTIDIOUSLY… as in staying away. There used to be a favourite newspaper competition entitled ‘Spot the ball‘ where a picture of live action was shown with the ball removed and readers were invited to put a cross where they think the ball is on the photograph. It seems that the un-yielding Welshmen of Cardiff City FC have become ‘Spot the crowd!‘

Fear not my good readers, for down at the stadium on match night it doesn’t take that many people to ensure F is for FIDUCIARY… as the compelling draw of football brings out the most pernicious faith in followers too fretful to believe anything other than in the formidable formation of their fantastical fallacies.

But in the end F will be for FELICITATIONS… as the flourish of fanciful fanfare, however it was foraged, or filched according to fractious foes, presents a finale of finery to flaunt in flagrant facetiousness.

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 1 Middlesborough 0, with the locals having played 12, won 5, drawn 5, and lost 2, which puts them currently 8th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] C is for…

Posted on September 12, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Cool cat’s chutzpah, as I’m told it is my new responsibility to report on the calamitous capitulations and cathartic coruscations at the Cardiff City stadium.

Enough of the introductions, C is for…

CABOODLE, as in the whole kit and caboodle; though it seems that today’s visitors Huddersfield Town went for the full caboodle in an attempt to blind the opposition with their less than fashionable luminous yellow presentation…

C is also for CACOPHONY, more frequently defined as a discordant combination of sounds, something like you would expect from a raucous home crowd at a football match. However, as the attendances at these matches seem to be diminishing the Cardiff City stadium seems to be making do with the cadaverous sounds of a library, at least until the cacophony shows up!

But in these early undefeated days of the season C is for CAPRICIOUS, whereby the ‘indoor optimist’ is suddenly changing their pre-season crepuscular expectations towards a calefacient candescence…

I have been Bella, and I will leave the calmative caveat of the stadium screen to provide closure…

after all the team have played 6 won 3 and drawn 3 to quietly slip into 2nd place. C’mon City!

Stumbling into Chinatown

Posted on June 7, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Anything that involved water or sport tended to induce the same reaction from Juno…

If you combined them both together you could even induce the audible sound of cat-snoring!

But much to my surprise, just the other day, not only did both coalesce into the strangest of mixes for a Cardiff location, but they also constituted a welcome disturbance to the usual becalmed nature of the local Bute East Dock. Dragon Boat racing had surreptitiously arrived:

It would appear that the longstanding welcome provided at the dockside… that of imminent and painful death if you so much as breathed within a mile cordon of the inviting waters, can now be ignored. Is this a strange triumph for the laws of ‘Health & Safety‘, as historic industrial waterway gives up its toxic defence?

Or, perhaps it is just a UKIP ploy to con overseas visitors into plying their favourite pastimes while unwittingly reducing their numbers through leisure-based poisoning agents!

Either way, my usually quiet stroll past The Wharf (site of Brains Brewery’s sad but gradual neglect) was happily interrupted by more than the usual quota of waterside fun-lovers, thrill-seekers, and barbecue-chompers:

I was half expecting to hear ‘Hawaii-Five-O‘ theme music to blast out across the dock as the contestants took to the new addition of clean water in the city…

But I was quickly alerted by the comparative lack of muscle-bound athletes that I had indeed stumbled into a quaint Chinese custom being appropriated by a few Saturday afternoon fun-seekers, not a new cultural takeover of Wales as China’s preparation for world-dominance…

Nonetheless, this would still be a sight of fierce Welsh competitive spirit. The organisers of the annual University Boat Race had better be prepared to move over, there is clearly a new kid on the block…

With another race over, the victors make their way towards a well-earned pint of Brains SA, and the losers will have to make do with the consolation of a warm pint of flat Euro-fizz (or two pints of Brains SA in the view of Fat-Freddies Cat!).

Until we speak again may all of your toxic algae provide you as much pleasure as that which we nurture ‘down the docks’!

The Juno’s 2015

Posted on May 9, 2015 by Steve Morgan

You can never have too many awards. The arts have their season across the early months of the year, and football and rugby are deep into their trophy and award winning season as Spring progresses towards the summer recess. Juno was no stranger to posing for award status confirmation, usually the ‘I am waiting for more food award’…

: Come on, it’s dinner time

: Hey you, stop ignoring me

: I’m starving here

: Do I have to hunt for my own food?

But, when not demanding food she also had an eye for the absurd. So here are the posthumous Juno awards for 2015:

The Award for Having No Shops Anywhere in Your Locality goes to Atlantic Wharf in the old Cardiff docklands. And still the City Council give permission to relentlessly build more residential units.

The Award for Sweeping It Under the Carpet goes to an alleyway next to the University of South Wales. It’s a Sunday morning and the streets are suspiciously clear of litter just a few hours after the late night/early morning weekend celebrations have subsided. Good of the revellers to place all of their detritus in one place (or was it just the wind patterns around the University building?).

The Award for Gift Wrapping a Building goes to Peppermint Bar & Kitchen on St. Mary Street in the city centre. Located on a prominent junction it can only be the attention-seeking hub for attention-seekers.

Until we speak again I am sure Juno would have wished that all of the absurdities in your life are award-winning!

That sinking feeling

Posted on May 3, 2015 by Steve Morgan

It was August 2014, and Juno gave me that look that clearly said “who do you think you are kidding?” as I told her of my team’s position as early season favourites to win the 2014/5 Championship trophy.

I am sure she was only being protective of the ‘tenant of her home’… who was clearly caught up in that summertime football disease, shared by all who become attached to their home town team at a young age, only to suffer a lifetime of pain and exasperation! But not this time; we have just had our first taste of a season in the big-time, and we were definitely going straight back to where we now believed we belonged.

Combat quickly resumed between fans of ‘the Bluebirds’ and the owner of the ‘Red Dragons’, leaving a proud but confused sense of supporting ‘the Purple Dragonbirds’.

Juno made it quite clear that any talk of the football stuff should not reach the 10 word limit. Her readership deserved better than to be subjected to the notorious nonsense spoken in the name of the beautiful game. I was determined to keep to the challenge, and with this in mind the season began.

August was still breathing a warm breeze across the home crowd as early signs of what was to come flicker into unwelcome life.

“JOYOUS ENTERTAINMENT WAS RESTRICTED TO PLAYERS BANK MANAGERS ONLY.”

September sees something less than welcome down at the CCS, as the manager is shown the door following a run of poor performances.

“OVER-PAID UNDER-ACHIEVERS OUT ON A SATURDAY STROLL.”

Autumn brings a brief respite with a few home wins. But the regular hail that ‘Welshmen will not yield’ falls on deaf ears, as the team struggle to field many.

“PLAYING THE BEAUTIFUL GAME SEEMED BEYOND THEIR PAY GRADE.”

At times across a long winter the ever-quieter home support needed reminding who they were.

“WATCHING GRASS GROW WAS BOTH UNINTERRUPTED AND TIME-CONSUMING.”

The lowlight came in the penultimate home game, where both teams needed something to bring them to life.

“NINETY MINUTES OF NOTHING PUNCTUATED BY SOUNDS OF SNORING.”

Until we speak again, may your football be uplifting and life-affirming; and Juno’s final punditry to reflect the whole season could just as easily have been a prediction way back in August…

“SERENDIPITY CREPT OUT THROUGH THE BACK DOOR COMPLETELY UNNOTICED!”

The end is nigh

Posted on April 25, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Cardiff City 3 Blackpool 2

“IDEAL SHOWCASE FOR A SHALLOW UNDERSTANDING OF LIFE’S SUPERFICIALITIES.”

As the final home game of the season draws to a close Juno would undoubtedly have felt justified in her preference for sleep over spectating. She always felt that everything interesting in football could be said in less than 10 words… Bill Shankly would surely be spinning in his grave at such sacrilege. Until we speak again may your sporting associations be less of a millstone than the unconditional support for your childhood team can often feel!

Old Dockers Derby

Posted on April 18, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Cardiff City 0 Millwall 0

Bluebirds v Lions

Teams line up in earlier meeting at Millwall

“NO DANGER OF ROCKET SCIENCE OR BRAIN SURGERY HERE!”

Until we speak again it is important to remember that Bill Shankly once claimed football was more important than matters of life and death, but Juno’s view on football hyperbole was to respect it primarily for its sedative qualities… what can’t be said about football under 10 words wasn’t worth listening to!!!

[With thanks to http://www.cardiffcityfc.co.uk and http://www.dailymail.co.uk for the posts that help illustrate this post].

Capitulation in the sun

Posted on April 6, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Cardiff City 0 Bolton Wanderers 3

“EARLY SEASON HIGH EXPECTATIONS QUICKLY BECAME SHISH KEBAB… SKEWERED!”

	Wanda Rusiecki on Frohe Weihnachten
	Steve Morgan on Turkish delight
	Wanda Rusiecki on Turkish delight
	Wanda Rusiecki on Turkish delight
	Wanda Rusiecki on Bravo… Nobel

JUNO's VIEW

Seeing Cardiff and the world through the eyes of one cool cat

Tag Archives: sport