The Juno’s 2015

You can never have too many awards. The arts have their season across the early months of the year, and football and rugby are deep into their trophy and award winning season as Spring progresses towards the summer recess. Juno was no stranger to posing for award status confirmation, usually the ‘I am waiting for more food award’…

But, when not demanding food she also had an eye for the absurd. So here are the posthumous Juno awards for 2015:

Trolley [3]The Award for Having No Shops Anywhere in Your Locality goes to Atlantic Wharf in the old Cardiff docklands. And still the City Council give permission to relentlessly build more residential units.

Trolley [1]

Civic pride?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Award for Sweeping It Under the Carpet goes to an alleyway next to the University of South Wales. It’s a Sunday morning and the streets are suspiciously clear of litter just a few hours after the late night/early morning weekend celebrations have subsided. Good of the revellers to place all of their detritus in one place (or was it just the wind patterns around the University building?).

 

 

Peppermint wrapped

 

The Award for Gift Wrapping a Building goes to Peppermint Bar & Kitchen on St. Mary Street in the city centre. Located on a prominent junction it can only be the attention-seeking hub for attention-seekers.

Until we speak again I am sure Juno would have wished that all of the absurdities in your life are award-winning!

And the winner is…

My resident ‘architectural critic‘ interrupted my 23-hours-a-day slumbers with some attempt to contribute thoughts on the current debate about London’s Tower’s Policy, and the perceived reduction in design standards in order to rush through more and more development for the ultimate financial benefit of the developers. As a cat originating in London I was left wondering what experience this self-styled Zaha Hadid or Frank Lloyd Wright had to back-up their bold remonstrations on the built environment of one of the world’s mega-cities. “I lived there for nearly 22 years!” was the reply, offered may I add with deep indignation.

Touche, or 15-love to them… but, being a competitive kind of soul I decided to hit back with my usual languid laid back brand of sarcasm. It seems to me like we live in a world filled with competitions, yet you people of such delicate sensibilities need to have your liberal egos stroked, with everyone experiencing being a winner; or else needing to rush off to see your therapist. Or is that just California? So, in the interests of caustic architectural discourse, I decided to introduce Cardiff’s winners of the Juno Awards for Architectural Re-cycling (the Jar’s), as my meanders around the city suggested I might struggle to find any other category of award that could be liberally sprinkled around so many of the modern buildings.

So, getting down to the serious business of presenting the Jar’s… I had hoped to enlist the services of Cat Stephens but the calls to prayer were too many and too frequent; Atomic Kitten were fortunately too heavily regulated for public use; so I was left dragging myself off to the litter tray for an Eartha Kitt (yes, that is cockney rhyming slang). So once again it is left to me to say:

The Curvy but not Groovy Award goes to… 

Curvy not groovy

While the Use of Excess Leather Cladding Award goes to…

Central Library [1]

The Creative Use of an Over-Sized Spiky Hat Award goes to…

Spiky joint

But the judging panel (i.e. me) had a difficulty with the Use of Excess Bland Concrete Award, so in the interests of equality it was shared by several entries from the other side of the tracks…

Other side of the tracks

The Use of Excess Unintelligible Words in Strange Places Award was an easier category to adjudicate…

Millenium Centre 3

Meanwhile, the Getting to the Point (Retail Category) Award goes to…

John Lewis to the point

And this year there was a special category of ‘Life-Ending Achievement‘, sponsored by Lloyds Bank, entitled the Put It All On The Outside Scary Shit You Must Be Kidding If You Think I Am Going To Use That Lift Award, with the outright winner even adding the delicate touch of replacing internal staircases with external ladders…

Pointy Building

That is it from the red carpet for this year (stained in the blood of my resident ‘ex-Town Planner‘). Out of utter disrespect for the zeitgeisty need of people to feel unemotionally attached to millions of others through technology, all the winners will receive 5000 additional ‘faceache friends‘, and the runners-up get 2000 ‘pecks of the birdie thing‘. For everyone who comments on this post, may you be smothered in ‘likes‘ until you burst with the shear joy of connectivity. Until we speak again, I am Triumphant Juno saying the winner is…