[Football explained, or not] K is for…

Posted on December 16, 2015 by Steve Morgan

KARMA SUTRA… well, what do you expect when the birds (Cardiff City FC) and the bees (Brentford) get together? After all, there are at least 26 positions across the pitch (if you’re counting the referee and other officials); all laid out in front of a voyeuristic crowd!

But K is also for KINAESTHESIA… as the kick-ass locals are fully in tune with muscle tone, position and movement, resulting in the quite common recent experience of going in to half-time with a 2-0 lead.

However, K is also for KNIFE-EDGE… as once again the full 90 minutes turn on a Desmond (Tutu, that is… as in 2-2), as knackered knaves kibosh the chance of any kudos.

Then, suddenly K comes to stand for KAFKAESQUE… as the kerfuffle of a final kamikaze raid by the home team produces a winning goal in the last minute of added on time. Kaleidoscopic splinters coalesce, as kindred spirits no longer stare down the khazi. Karma is returned, no sutra required; as unrealistic expectations are kneaded back to kite-flying proportions.

Until we speak again this Bella will be anticipating Kalamity with a capital K; and where can a cat find a proper kebab when you need one? For the record it was Cardiff City 3 Brentford 2, with the locals having played 21, won 8, drawn 9, and lost 4, which puts them currently 7th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] J is for…

Posted on December 12, 2015 by Steve Morgan

JIHAD… as the crowd are jingoistically implored to create mass jocularity as they ‘Do the Ayatollah‘…

But J is also for JUDGEMENTAL… as jubilation justifiably means jack when the crowd are off somewhere else on another junket…

JUGULAR becomes the jest at a critical juncture as the joust becomes a jibe with a converted penalty early in the game…

But jettison the japes as the second half nerves jangle when jaded jackasses deliver nothing more than a jaundiced form of JUSTICE…

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 2 Sheffield Wednesday 2, with the locals having played 20, won 7, drawn 9, and lost 4, which puts them currently 7th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] I is for…

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Steve Morgan

WASN’T THERE… as in what half the population call illness, and the other gender call man flu. It’s blowing a gale with horizontal rain and you’ve been under the duvet for most of the last 24 hours; so the big question, among considerations of Paris bombings and Syrian aerial bombardment, or how to manage a European refugee crisis, is do I go to the match or not?

Having made an executive decision of major proportions, the sub-duvet bunker provides the perfect location for radio airwave surveillance. It takes a little over the allotted 90 minutes to realise ‘I’ also stands for INSULT to INJURY… as in what is added to the aforementioned illness as my team manage to blow a 2-0 lead by conceding an own goal in time added on. Just as the glorious summit was in sight the mist descended! The duvet decision is vindicated.

But in a creative (aka delirious) moment I ponder how ‘I’ could possibly stand for DON’T BELIEVE IT, in the event that the Cupertino, California fruit-influenced image makers seize on the so-called ‘beautiful game’. Imagine… iScore on the iPitch during the iMatch. I’m out of here! If you’re looking for real branding look no further than ICONIC Cardiff…

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 2 Burnley 2, with the locals having played 18, won 6, drawn 8, and lost 4, which puts them currently 10th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] H is for…

Posted on November 7, 2015 by Steve Morgan

HESITANT… as memories of the fallen dead from previous wars mingle with memories of what Cardiff City actually scoring a goal is like. With a run of four goalless matches the home hackles have been handicapped by happenstance.

But H is also for HANDSOME… as the home team’s centre forward hangs hypnotically in the air to head heavenly into the current roll of honour…

Everyone knows that H can be for HYSTERIA… as the hoi polloi pay homage to haughty hombres in their own hedonistic hallucinatory ways, clearly haemorrhaging any sense of harmonic hegemony…

But finally H was to be for HYPERBOLE… as any potential hollow hostility gives way to a herculean heist of the headlines as homies haggle over the hierarchy as they hypothesise over hammy heroics…

As for my heinous heretic of hogwash at home, I’m hoping for hassle-free honesty rather than harassed haranguing from the haggard haemorrhoid! Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Reading 0, with the locals having played 16, won 6, drawn 7, and lost 3, which puts them currently 7th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] G is for…

Posted on October 27, 2015 by Steve Morgan

GRUDGE… as my in-house ‘Genial General‘ prepares for the visit of the rivals from across the River Severn, whose name should not be uttered! Apparently this is a goad germinated in childhood that generates grievance at the memories of galling gallantry unrewarded. “Grow up” is what comes to mind for me! Meanwhile, on the pitch, it seems that the rivals compete at the genius idea of gladiatorial grappling in preparation for the big game…

However, as the teams line-up for kick-off it becomes clear that G is for GRATUITOUS, as any gauntlet of rivalry is quickly gobbled up in the genealogy of those on display. Just how many Cardiff players are Cardiffians, or Bristol players Bristolians?

By the half-time whistle G is beginning to represent GENTEEL, as the garrulous gathering are given mere gesture rather than glamour or glory. The gainful gravitas of the substitute gophers provides more grace than the gaffe-prone galaxy grovelling in the gloom of the changing rooms.

Finally, it would appear that G is for GUNGE, as the guarantee of glamorous galacticos’ offering guile and gloss belongs in a far distant groove; only to be replaced by ginormous gimps providing a gallery of garbage best summed up as guano. The grating grimace of a glance at the final scoreboard is only gazumped by the guiltless gargoyles on the pitch grubbing for garlands.

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella, though on the display just portrayed I might stick with the funny shaped ball game… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Bristol City 0, with the locals having played 13, won 5, drawn 6, and lost 2, which puts them currently 8th in the league (though God knows how!).

[Football explained, or not!] F is for…

Posted on October 21, 2015 by Steve Morgan

FERVENT… as the local taunt to the opposition is a rendition of ‘Men of Harlech‘ with the uncompromising line that ‘Welshmen will not yield‘!

But, all too noticeably, F is for FASTIDIOUSLY… as in staying away. There used to be a favourite newspaper competition entitled ‘Spot the ball‘ where a picture of live action was shown with the ball removed and readers were invited to put a cross where they think the ball is on the photograph. It seems that the un-yielding Welshmen of Cardiff City FC have become ‘Spot the crowd!‘

Fear not my good readers, for down at the stadium on match night it doesn’t take that many people to ensure F is for FIDUCIARY… as the compelling draw of football brings out the most pernicious faith in followers too fretful to believe anything other than in the formidable formation of their fantastical fallacies.

But in the end F will be for FELICITATIONS… as the flourish of fanciful fanfare, however it was foraged, or filched according to fractious foes, presents a finale of finery to flaunt in flagrant facetiousness.

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 1 Middlesborough 0, with the locals having played 12, won 5, drawn 5, and lost 2, which puts them currently 8th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] E is for…

Posted on September 27, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Commentating on this football malarkey can be really tiring. After all, us cats were not fundamentally designed for the sports vibe. So, I thought I would give you an insight into the whole sports journalism business… here I am deeply engrossed in an intensely thought-provoking creative process.

Meanwhile, I sent my resident ‘misguided optimist’ over to the Cardiff City Stadium to be my eyes and ears on the action. This game is slightly different from all the others in the season, because ‘Optimist Central’ is accompanied by a couple of off-spring who support the opposition; a surefire recipe for disappointment somewhere in the group. Anyway, enough of the familial ramblings, it’s time for me to let you in on the meaning of E.

E is for Eponymous, because the collective number of brain cells of a mass of football supporters is slightly in excess of the number of supporters present. So, it seems they need a reminder of where they are now that they have arrived. Welcome to the eponymous…

But, E is also for Exculpate, as the effervescence of ecstatic passages of play are eternally interrupted by an eccentric epitome of expedience, otherwise known as an ability to go 1-0 down against the balance of play. Who is to blame, or should there be any elective finger pointing at all?

Then suddenly E is for Efficacious, a word most commonly associated with Lily the Pink (you have to be over 50 and from the UK to understand that one!). As if by some eccentric ebullience equilibrium is elevated through an equalising goal (you probably have to be bonkers to understand that one!). Expectation will erupt at this point…

Then as if by euphoric edification E is for Ethereal, as elegant exuberance masquerades as epiphany… yes, you guessed it, the epicentre of entropy equivocates in eloquence. Not that a bunch of football fans would be capable of such éclat. The opposition are sent into existential angst…

And all of this happened a few hours before Wales defeated England in the Rugby Union World Cup at Twickenham!! It is safe to say that my home city experienced euphoria in the extreme. Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 2 Charlton Athletic 1, with the locals having played 8, won 4, drawn 3, and lost 1, which puts them currently 5th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] D is for…

Posted on September 16, 2015 by Steve Morgan

So there I was, contemplating the meaning of life from my newly annexed personal throne, when ‘food finder general’ informs me there is a midweek fixture going on… like now! So, as they say in common footballing parlance… here we go, here we go, here we go (though who knows why?). But let’s get on with reviewing what might have been going on in a parallel sporting universe, where…

D might just be for Delirium, as the locals are invited early on in the season to shoot for the moon, having already found themselves creeping into the rarefied atmosphere just below the summit of the league table…

But D is also for Dissonance, particularly the cognitive variety as the local team defy damnation by losing their first game of the season having put in their best home performance!

D can also be for Dysphoria, as the delicate Bluebirds prepare for what is to become a disingenuous denouement at the claws of white tigers (as opposed to the more usual black and yellow striped appearance of the tigers of Hull City )…

But finally, D is for Duplicitous, as someone changes the rules of the game and puts both sets of goalposts at the same end of the pitch; a tactic defining dubious disadvantage for one team’s defenders…

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Hull City 2, with the locals having played 7, won 3, drawn 3, and lost 1, which puts them currently 6th in the league… we have gone, we have gone, we have gone (though who knows why?).

[Football explained, or not!] C is for…

Posted on September 12, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Cool cat’s chutzpah, as I’m told it is my new responsibility to report on the calamitous capitulations and cathartic coruscations at the Cardiff City stadium.

Enough of the introductions, C is for…

CABOODLE, as in the whole kit and caboodle; though it seems that today’s visitors Huddersfield Town went for the full caboodle in an attempt to blind the opposition with their less than fashionable luminous yellow presentation…

C is also for CACOPHONY, more frequently defined as a discordant combination of sounds, something like you would expect from a raucous home crowd at a football match. However, as the attendances at these matches seem to be diminishing the Cardiff City stadium seems to be making do with the cadaverous sounds of a library, at least until the cacophony shows up!

But in these early undefeated days of the season C is for CAPRICIOUS, whereby the ‘indoor optimist’ is suddenly changing their pre-season crepuscular expectations towards a calefacient candescence…

I have been Bella, and I will leave the calmative caveat of the stadium screen to provide closure…

after all the team have played 6 won 3 and drawn 3 to quietly slip into 2nd place. C’mon City!

[Football explained, or not!] B is for…

Posted on August 22, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Beautiful cats, as Juno prepares to hand on the baton of blogging to Beligerent Bella, who will be unveiled soon as the new voice of Juno’s View!

B is for BLUSTER, an atmosphere created where unfavourable meteorological conditions meet with the untamed expectations of fans. With minutes to go before the kick-off the heavens open, but is it a good omen, or not so good?

It is also for Boondoggle, finding trivial, time-wasting pastimes when a bunch of guys have nothing better to do than rue missing past opportunities to get involved in the weird and wonderful world of rugby scrums…

But ultimately B was for BENEFICENCE, as two gifts from somewhere enabled the home crowd to dabble in a little BOMBAST before departing the ground for anything resembling a BANQUET to celebrate the first win of the season…

I thought we were celebrating!!

Until we speak again… Cardiff City 2 Wolves 0 means home and away Played 4 Won 1 Drawn 3… may all of your beatifications be those of a benign bodhisattva, or words to that effect!

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