[Football explained, or not!] I is for…

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Steve Morgan

WASN’T THERE… as in what half the population call illness, and the other gender call man flu. It’s blowing a gale with horizontal rain and you’ve been under the duvet for most of the last 24 hours; so the big question, among considerations of Paris bombings and Syrian aerial bombardment, or how to manage a European refugee crisis, is do I go to the match or not?

Having made an executive decision of major proportions, the sub-duvet bunker provides the perfect location for radio airwave surveillance. It takes a little over the allotted 90 minutes to realise ‘I’ also stands for INSULT to INJURY… as in what is added to the aforementioned illness as my team manage to blow a 2-0 lead by conceding an own goal in time added on. Just as the glorious summit was in sight the mist descended! The duvet decision is vindicated.

But in a creative (aka delirious) moment I ponder how ‘I’ could possibly stand for DON’T BELIEVE IT, in the event that the Cupertino, California fruit-influenced image makers seize on the so-called ‘beautiful game’. Imagine… iScore on the iPitch during the iMatch. I’m out of here! If you’re looking for real branding look no further than ICONIC Cardiff…

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 2 Burnley 2, with the locals having played 18, won 6, drawn 8, and lost 4, which puts them currently 10th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] H is for…

Posted on November 7, 2015 by Steve Morgan

HESITANT… as memories of the fallen dead from previous wars mingle with memories of what Cardiff City actually scoring a goal is like. With a run of four goalless matches the home hackles have been handicapped by happenstance.

But H is also for HANDSOME… as the home team’s centre forward hangs hypnotically in the air to head heavenly into the current roll of honour…

Everyone knows that H can be for HYSTERIA… as the hoi polloi pay homage to haughty hombres in their own hedonistic hallucinatory ways, clearly haemorrhaging any sense of harmonic hegemony…

But finally H was to be for HYPERBOLE… as any potential hollow hostility gives way to a herculean heist of the headlines as homies haggle over the hierarchy as they hypothesise over hammy heroics…

As for my heinous heretic of hogwash at home, I’m hoping for hassle-free honesty rather than harassed haranguing from the haggard haemorrhoid! Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Reading 0, with the locals having played 16, won 6, drawn 7, and lost 3, which puts them currently 7th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] G is for…

Posted on October 27, 2015 by Steve Morgan

GRUDGE… as my in-house ‘Genial General‘ prepares for the visit of the rivals from across the River Severn, whose name should not be uttered! Apparently this is a goad germinated in childhood that generates grievance at the memories of galling gallantry unrewarded. “Grow up” is what comes to mind for me! Meanwhile, on the pitch, it seems that the rivals compete at the genius idea of gladiatorial grappling in preparation for the big game…

However, as the teams line-up for kick-off it becomes clear that G is for GRATUITOUS, as any gauntlet of rivalry is quickly gobbled up in the genealogy of those on display. Just how many Cardiff players are Cardiffians, or Bristol players Bristolians?

By the half-time whistle G is beginning to represent GENTEEL, as the garrulous gathering are given mere gesture rather than glamour or glory. The gainful gravitas of the substitute gophers provides more grace than the gaffe-prone galaxy grovelling in the gloom of the changing rooms.

Finally, it would appear that G is for GUNGE, as the guarantee of glamorous galacticos’ offering guile and gloss belongs in a far distant groove; only to be replaced by ginormous gimps providing a gallery of garbage best summed up as guano. The grating grimace of a glance at the final scoreboard is only gazumped by the guiltless gargoyles on the pitch grubbing for garlands.

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella, though on the display just portrayed I might stick with the funny shaped ball game… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Bristol City 0, with the locals having played 13, won 5, drawn 6, and lost 2, which puts them currently 8th in the league (though God knows how!).

[Football explained, or not!] D is for…

Posted on September 16, 2015 by Steve Morgan

So there I was, contemplating the meaning of life from my newly annexed personal throne, when ‘food finder general’ informs me there is a midweek fixture going on… like now! So, as they say in common footballing parlance… here we go, here we go, here we go (though who knows why?). But let’s get on with reviewing what might have been going on in a parallel sporting universe, where…

D might just be for Delirium, as the locals are invited early on in the season to shoot for the moon, having already found themselves creeping into the rarefied atmosphere just below the summit of the league table…

But D is also for Dissonance, particularly the cognitive variety as the local team defy damnation by losing their first game of the season having put in their best home performance!

D can also be for Dysphoria, as the delicate Bluebirds prepare for what is to become a disingenuous denouement at the claws of white tigers (as opposed to the more usual black and yellow striped appearance of the tigers of Hull City )…

But finally, D is for Duplicitous, as someone changes the rules of the game and puts both sets of goalposts at the same end of the pitch; a tactic defining dubious disadvantage for one team’s defenders…

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Hull City 2, with the locals having played 7, won 3, drawn 3, and lost 1, which puts them currently 6th in the league… we have gone, we have gone, we have gone (though who knows why?).

[Football explained, or not!] C is for…

Posted on September 12, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Cool cat’s chutzpah, as I’m told it is my new responsibility to report on the calamitous capitulations and cathartic coruscations at the Cardiff City stadium.

Enough of the introductions, C is for…

CABOODLE, as in the whole kit and caboodle; though it seems that today’s visitors Huddersfield Town went for the full caboodle in an attempt to blind the opposition with their less than fashionable luminous yellow presentation…

C is also for CACOPHONY, more frequently defined as a discordant combination of sounds, something like you would expect from a raucous home crowd at a football match. However, as the attendances at these matches seem to be diminishing the Cardiff City stadium seems to be making do with the cadaverous sounds of a library, at least until the cacophony shows up!

But in these early undefeated days of the season C is for CAPRICIOUS, whereby the ‘indoor optimist’ is suddenly changing their pre-season crepuscular expectations towards a calefacient candescence…

I have been Bella, and I will leave the calmative caveat of the stadium screen to provide closure…

after all the team have played 6 won 3 and drawn 3 to quietly slip into 2nd place. C’mon City!

[Football explained, or not!] B is for…

Posted on August 22, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Beautiful cats, as Juno prepares to hand on the baton of blogging to Beligerent Bella, who will be unveiled soon as the new voice of Juno’s View!

B is for BLUSTER, an atmosphere created where unfavourable meteorological conditions meet with the untamed expectations of fans. With minutes to go before the kick-off the heavens open, but is it a good omen, or not so good?

It is also for Boondoggle, finding trivial, time-wasting pastimes when a bunch of guys have nothing better to do than rue missing past opportunities to get involved in the weird and wonderful world of rugby scrums…

But ultimately B was for BENEFICENCE, as two gifts from somewhere enabled the home crowd to dabble in a little BOMBAST before departing the ground for anything resembling a BANQUET to celebrate the first win of the season…

I thought we were celebrating!!

Until we speak again… Cardiff City 2 Wolves 0 means home and away Played 4 Won 1 Drawn 3… may all of your beatifications be those of a benign bodhisattva, or words to that effect!

[Football explained, or not!] A is for…

Posted on August 9, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Juno was never one to let any form of exertion, even spectating, interrupt a more important priority. This was the usual pose as the ‘resident masochist’ waxed lyrical about nothing of much importance… football.

But, what is this UK version of the widely recognised sporting name really about? For any readers thinking of switching off at this stage, stay with me for a few moments. My promise to you is an A-Z of the game like you wouldn’t imagine, all brought to you courtesy of a life sentence as a Cardiff City fan! So, in this game what does ‘A’ stand for?

A is for AQUATIC, something that any self-respecting cat would be scampering away from. But in irrational footballing terms, a little water at the start of the season can only help grow those completely unrealistic expectations that every fan harbours for their team just as the new dawn emerges…

A is also for ALCHEMY, as the home team line up with flattering intentions of transforming the ordinary into something extraordinary by the kind of chemistry never previously seen in these parts… so the intelligent cat would surely be asking why would it suddenly work now?

A is for ANATHEMA, as the away side take the lead through a wicked curse of a deflection that outwits the home team goalkeeper. Amazing how it takes all of 47 minutes for the expectations of home fans to drain at the prospect of defeat at the start of the season.

But A is also for APOCRYPHAL, as less than 30 minutes later the home team equalise to send their fans into the unlikely claim of being the greatest team in football the world has ever seen!

Until we speak again Juno would surely wish that you maintain a sense of emotional balance… unlike most football fans. Cardiff City 1 Fulham 1.

That sinking feeling

Posted on May 3, 2015 by Steve Morgan

It was August 2014, and Juno gave me that look that clearly said “who do you think you are kidding?” as I told her of my team’s position as early season favourites to win the 2014/5 Championship trophy.

I am sure she was only being protective of the ‘tenant of her home’… who was clearly caught up in that summertime football disease, shared by all who become attached to their home town team at a young age, only to suffer a lifetime of pain and exasperation! But not this time; we have just had our first taste of a season in the big-time, and we were definitely going straight back to where we now believed we belonged.

Combat quickly resumed between fans of ‘the Bluebirds’ and the owner of the ‘Red Dragons’, leaving a proud but confused sense of supporting ‘the Purple Dragonbirds’.

Juno made it quite clear that any talk of the football stuff should not reach the 10 word limit. Her readership deserved better than to be subjected to the notorious nonsense spoken in the name of the beautiful game. I was determined to keep to the challenge, and with this in mind the season began.

August was still breathing a warm breeze across the home crowd as early signs of what was to come flicker into unwelcome life.

“JOYOUS ENTERTAINMENT WAS RESTRICTED TO PLAYERS BANK MANAGERS ONLY.”

September sees something less than welcome down at the CCS, as the manager is shown the door following a run of poor performances.

“OVER-PAID UNDER-ACHIEVERS OUT ON A SATURDAY STROLL.”

Autumn brings a brief respite with a few home wins. But the regular hail that ‘Welshmen will not yield’ falls on deaf ears, as the team struggle to field many.

“PLAYING THE BEAUTIFUL GAME SEEMED BEYOND THEIR PAY GRADE.”

At times across a long winter the ever-quieter home support needed reminding who they were.

“WATCHING GRASS GROW WAS BOTH UNINTERRUPTED AND TIME-CONSUMING.”

The lowlight came in the penultimate home game, where both teams needed something to bring them to life.

“NINETY MINUTES OF NOTHING PUNCTUATED BY SOUNDS OF SNORING.”

Until we speak again, may your football be uplifting and life-affirming; and Juno’s final punditry to reflect the whole season could just as easily have been a prediction way back in August…

“SERENDIPITY CREPT OUT THROUGH THE BACK DOOR COMPLETELY UNNOTICED!”

The end is nigh

Posted on April 25, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Cardiff City 3 Blackpool 2

“IDEAL SHOWCASE FOR A SHALLOW UNDERSTANDING OF LIFE’S SUPERFICIALITIES.”

As the final home game of the season draws to a close Juno would undoubtedly have felt justified in her preference for sleep over spectating. She always felt that everything interesting in football could be said in less than 10 words… Bill Shankly would surely be spinning in his grave at such sacrilege. Until we speak again may your sporting associations be less of a millstone than the unconditional support for your childhood team can often feel!

Old Dockers Derby

Posted on April 18, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Cardiff City 0 Millwall 0

Bluebirds v Lions

Teams line up in earlier meeting at Millwall

“NO DANGER OF ROCKET SCIENCE OR BRAIN SURGERY HERE!”

Until we speak again it is important to remember that Bill Shankly once claimed football was more important than matters of life and death, but Juno’s view on football hyperbole was to respect it primarily for its sedative qualities… what can’t be said about football under 10 words wasn’t worth listening to!!!

[With thanks to http://www.cardiffcityfc.co.uk and http://www.dailymail.co.uk for the posts that help illustrate this post].

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JUNO's VIEW

Seeing Cardiff and the world through the eyes of one cool cat

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