Re-awakenings

Cardiff City 3 Huddersfield Town 1

Welcome to Cardiff City Stadium

“LOCAL FANS IMPOSSIBLE EXPECTATIONS RESUME RESIDENCE ON CLOUD NINE!”

     Until we speak again this is Pundit Juno bringing you all you need to know about football in less than 10 words.

[With thanks to fineartamerica.com for the cat image].

And the winner is…

My resident ‘architectural critic‘ interrupted my 23-hours-a-day slumbers with some attempt to contribute thoughts on the current debate about London’s Tower’s Policy, and the perceived reduction in design standards in order to rush through more and more development for the ultimate financial benefit of the developers. As a cat originating in London I was left wondering what experience this self-styled Zaha Hadid or Frank Lloyd Wright had to back-up their bold remonstrations on the built environment of one of the world’s mega-cities. “I lived there for nearly 22 years!” was the reply, offered may I add with deep indignation.

Touche, or 15-love to them… but, being a competitive kind of soul I decided to hit back with my usual languid laid back brand of sarcasm. It seems to me like we live in a world filled with competitions, yet you people of such delicate sensibilities need to have your liberal egos stroked, with everyone experiencing being a winner; or else needing to rush off to see your therapist. Or is that just California? So, in the interests of caustic architectural discourse, I decided to introduce Cardiff’s winners of the Juno Awards for Architectural Re-cycling (the Jar’s), as my meanders around the city suggested I might struggle to find any other category of award that could be liberally sprinkled around so many of the modern buildings.

So, getting down to the serious business of presenting the Jar’s… I had hoped to enlist the services of Cat Stephens but the calls to prayer were too many and too frequent; Atomic Kitten were fortunately too heavily regulated for public use; so I was left dragging myself off to the litter tray for an Eartha Kitt (yes, that is cockney rhyming slang). So once again it is left to me to say:

The Curvy but not Groovy Award goes to… 

Curvy not groovy

While the Use of Excess Leather Cladding Award goes to…

Central Library [1]

The Creative Use of an Over-Sized Spiky Hat Award goes to…

Spiky joint

But the judging panel (i.e. me) had a difficulty with the Use of Excess Bland Concrete Award, so in the interests of equality it was shared by several entries from the other side of the tracks…

Other side of the tracks

The Use of Excess Unintelligible Words in Strange Places Award was an easier category to adjudicate…

Millenium Centre 3

Meanwhile, the Getting to the Point (Retail Category) Award goes to…

John Lewis to the point

And this year there was a special category of ‘Life-Ending Achievement‘, sponsored by Lloyds Bank, entitled the Put It All On The Outside Scary Shit You Must Be Kidding If You Think I Am Going To Use That Lift Award, with the outright winner even adding the delicate touch of replacing internal staircases with external ladders…

Pointy Building

That is it from the red carpet for this year (stained in the blood of my resident ‘ex-Town Planner‘). Out of utter disrespect for the zeitgeisty need of people to feel unemotionally attached to millions of others through technology, all the winners will receive 5000 additional ‘faceache friends‘, and the runners-up get 2000 ‘pecks of the birdie thing‘. For everyone who comments on this post, may you be smothered in ‘likes‘ until you burst with the shear joy of connectivity. Until we speak again, I am Triumphant Juno saying the winner is…

OMG!!!

The football season has returned… a whole 10 minutes after the World Cup finished! So my resident ‘confounded optimist‘ is already buying into the pre-season hype of the local team being favourites to win the Championship again, and return to the Premier League (that they flunked so badly last time). The household is already resounding to the soundtrack of cliches and nonsense about the beautiful game returning to fill the void of a whole three weeks of nothing more than post-tournement pre-season tournements specially arranged for the tournement-deprived.

Look, no eyes!If, like me, you are catastrophically underwhelmed by another nine months of over-exagerated hyperbole dressed up as serious punditry delivered by people without a serious thought holding their ears apart, then I have a solution. No, give the Dignitas membership a miss! This season I am allowing the in-house ‘verbosity funnel‘ the chance to list home results, with maybe the occasional stat about the position in the league (for a laugh) and a completely uninteresting photo from the game. As for the endless drivel about the game of two halves… I am taking personal responsibility to provide succinct summaries of each home game in 10 words or less. After all, what more can you say about 22 men kicking balls?

Until we speak again, Pundit Juno is going to be placing every useful pre-season word uttered by ‘them who shalt be ignored‘ end-to-end, just to see if more than two words can actually be strung together! Meeeooow…

Cognitive dissonance

[aka Fucking with your mind!]

Be confused… be very confused! If you were brought up on the myths and legends of a corner of Cardiff known as Tiger Bay, then the latest extension of the 21st century docklands redevelopment will mess with whatever is left of your functioning brain cells. After air-brushing a major part of local history out of the picture for a few decades, the latest in local bureaucratic administrative hype is set to house, employ and entertain you. Put your hands together and welcome the vision that is Porth Teigr!

I live here

Whatever that is… because what is emerging out of the primordial slime of Roath Basin bears no relationship to the proud badge of Tiger Bay; and it isn’t even in the same place as the original! Not that the location of the original has anything of architectural merit to draw the attention of the discerning student of urban mythology… the southernmost boundaries of the original, relatively small Tiger Bay area, is demarcated by some prime examples of skyline blight, which actually looks even more attractive than the low level flats and houses that hold many of the original street names…

Tiger Bay [1]

Porth‘ is Welsh for ‘gate’… so in modern parlance are we supposed to have created a misdemeanour on such a scale that it becomes ‘Tiger Gate‘? Well, if you look at the blandness of the 1960’s architectural replacement for the previous Victorian ‘slums’, perhaps we have. Social engineering had become a slight of hand for so-called urban redevelopment… a destruction of world renowned character makes way for the monumental achievement of bland mediocrity.

Why are we so reluctant to celebrate our gritty historical reality when it doesn’t conform to the textbook presentation of swords and sandals, or castles and stately homes? Here we have the site of the very first multicultural society in the UK, built on the necessity of world trade, and testimony to the power of the melting pot to bring people together in local harmony. Heaven forbid that we might put the cost of demolition and reconstruction into refurbishment of what already exists. Or perhaps the forbears of the Ukip tendency were subtly at work, with a long-sighted determinism to break up any thriving community based largely on immigration. It becomes less easy to blame it on the immigrants if we have the tangible evidence of their hard-working contribution to our financial and cultural wealth.

As a cat who originates from London but was duped into relocating into the old docklands of Cardiff I am intrigued by all this Tiger-stuff, and hope to bring you more of the true history of this historical and cultural landmark. Until we speak again I have been ‘Immigrant Juno’, scrounging off my native ‘repatriated refugee’, and contributing mainly through my litter tray!

Existential angst

A strange juxtaposition is occurring down at the water’s edge. Just when the native waterfowl thought it was safe to bask amongst the toxic algae of the once formidable old dock, dual threats emerge to challenge the meaning of their very existence. To be consumed is a given, but by who or what now becomes a battle ground to test out the true meaning of life.

Just when a superior predator of my kind arrives on the scene as the expected feline threat to anything dressed in feathers, I also find myself sharing the bewilderment at the world conquering rise and expanse of Chinese domination.

Ming dynasty building

Is this a Ming Dynasty after-thought we see over-shadowing the once powerful Bute East Dock? A Welsh pagoda style rises out of the depths to house the hot air and wind combination of local government. But the question arises as to whether this source of heat can be converted into another form of culinary energy, somewhat reminiscent of the take-away/restaurant variety proliferating Chinese cuisine the world over?

This has been ‘Culinary Missive’ Juno reflecting a tale of unsatisfied hunger, and until we speak again may all of your ducks be aromatic and crispy!

Key to a kiss

This adopted home of mine has a seemingly insatiable capacity to draw out the most unexpected of emotions from time to time. Take the other day, there I was minding my own business, gently sashaying along the boulevard… a cool cat in shades with a gentle breeze through the whiskers, when I am arrested by a heart fluttering vision. Being in the heart of the renovated old industrial docklands my first thought was of a site of romantic antiquity, a monument for the demarcation of a long forgotten industrial love story… thoughts drifting to the romantic melting pot that was Tiger Bay, a mere palpitation away across the railway tracks.

Key to a kiss [2]Curvy, groovy, and altogether suggestive of tender moments spent with the cat you love. A reminder that us cats may spend time in territorial seclusion, but thrive most when we are lost in thoughts of others… particularly those with the special quality of occupying almost every waking moment. Step aside Paris, take a break Venice, the capital of romance has found a new candle-lit table to gaze across. As the warm sun bathes my coat I am left to ponder whether this is a clue as to why my ‘in-house failed romantic‘ decided on a return to their spiritual home of Cardiff  was it a search following love lost for the potential to be re-ignited by some unexpected magical tryst. Nope, I guess it was just the pure romance of economics, and a pint of Brains SA!

The Blade My A

 

So, my message from the heart of Cardiff to all you cats who decide your lives from the head, is to occasionally listen from the heart… you may just be surprised by what could change and transform your bowl into a banquet.

Then again, if you can’t spare a kiss for the one you love, I can offer you the alternative of my furry rump, along with a cut-throat razor for re-shaping some of your thinking!

Until we speak again this has been Romancer Juno, and sick bags will be provided on request.

YQ?

Food festival [3]

What is it about you humans? As soon as there is a sun-food-tent combination going on you just can’t resist the idea of forming long queues! As the 2014 International Food and Drink Festival descends on an expectant Cardiff, you seem to be joyously getting into a chaotic jumble of the single file arrangement mode.

Food festival [2]

So, whether it is something to do with your native country’s produce, Persia, the Orient, or even wholefoods (whatever that means?), you just get the whole ‘standing in lines’ thing going.

No such etiquette for us cats… just get on with lunch and then relax…

My feast! Fighting fit [3]

Until we speak again I fully expect to be a recipient of your sensitivity-oriented disgust, but what the hell this is road-kill Juno signing off in search of more prey!

Serendipity

Atlantic WharfHere’s the thing… while taking a quiet stroll around the gentle backwaters and streets of the former world renowned docklands, and more recent industrial wastelands, you never know what pleasant surprise might befall you. Why, just the other day while I was contemplating the historical significance of my home surroundings, I was suddenly confronted by a strange vision of the future yet to be imagined.

Take a slide on the downside, Silicon Valley… rip your heart out, Seoul… give way, Tech RoundaboutCardiff is making its creative play for the crowning mantle in technological advances. First there was the phone, then there was the TV, now it is the turn of the, well… ‘up, over and down thing’. For the Danes and Swedes it has become the focal point for joint adventures into gruesome murder mysteries. But, in Cardiff it is making a play for the mantle of knowledge and urban savvy. Herald the age of the…

Smart Bridge [1] Smart Bridge [2]

 

 

 

 

Until we meet again I am going to be a baffled Juno pondering the question “just what the hell do we do with it?”

Searching for the zeitgeist

Southend [1]Why does my ‘resident renogade’ always take it upon themselves to do the opposite of what I suggest? Only the other day, and against the spirit of the age for international travel, they were lost for things to do in the spare moments during a UK coastal appreciation gig. I couldn’t resist to proffer the obvious combination of a long walk off a short pier!

Unknowingly, I was offering this advice to someone who happened to be gazing at the world’s longest. Time for a quick reappraisal of the situation, and by my calculus what was needed here was a recalculation of the ‘long to extra long’ boards to steps ratio…

Southend [2]

And as if this wasn’t enough of an intellectual challenge for a sophisticated cat, originating from London I should have known that the neighbouring county of Essex bucks many a trend. Us cats are known for our curiosity, but I am sure you will forgive my incredulity at the evidence that the all-pervading nannie state had been well and truly driven out of town. Something distinctly American seems to be happening in a noisy corner of the land of the white stiletto, as a subtle obesity drive seems to be going down, with a distinct charge-for-walking vibe, bucking the current trends for healthy living…

Southend [3]Where is the zeitgeist when you most need it, I pondered?

All that was left was for me to assimilate the wisdom of a local insightful exhortation…

Southend [4]… which come to think of it, is precisely what I did when I decided to move to Cardiff with the ‘in-house numpty’ on their attempt at a personal homecoming and cultural re-imagining. Until we speak again I shall be a claw-sharpening Juno, intent on re-moulding my ‘resident servant’ into something more contemporary.

Cool at One

How time fly’s when you spend most of the day either sleeping or licking your nether regions. There I was, deep in meditation…

Chillout cat

… when my ‘kidnapper of culinary dreams’ decided it was time for a literary celebration. It seems that a year has already passed since the resident ‘Nonsense-in-Chief’ decided I would become a star of the blogosphere. No, I haven’t got a clue what that means either. To my personal dismay I am told I have been a Cool Cat for precisely one year… this of course is complete tosh; being a lady I’m not giving away my age, but I assure you I have been a Cool Cat wherever I have been for the whole of my life!

As for this celebration thing… there are limits, and a point when a head down the loo or offering a simple view of a fury rump out of a nearby box have their merits. Or it is just time for the more sophisticated among us to get a grip…

Olive branchApart from you humans, the point at which a year arrives is as good as any to do a bit of reflective thinking. Whereas all you lot seem to have achieved at one year is the ability to scream and wail, and project nasty stuff in all directions from both ends!

So, what should you have learned about this Cardiff place from my first year of imparted wisdom? Firstly, they have a strange way of doing architecture. When the brief says “a sophisticated blend of the old and new” I’m not sure that this is what the commissioning people exactly had in mind:

Architectural wonders

But, when it comes to combining architecture with food, and if food really is your religion,  the locals can come up with interesting new ideas for accommodating the likes of multiple feeding bowls and litter trays:

Chapel [2]

As for those moments when you left your shopping list at home, and you are sure that a violin, a Dalek, and a good cup of coffee were prominent amongst the essentials of the day, then the Castle Arcade is the place of your dreams:

Castle Arcade 6

 

Many a fellow feline in London told me before I moved that they communicate differently in that Wales place, but I was still unprepared. For example, they take health and safety of children very seriously, to the point of being very clear of the dangers of tree-climbing:

No tree climbingAs an indigenous population many of these cats may not travel very far (or is that Americans I am thinking of?), but they like to keep busy. So, there is no shortage of signs telling you were to go… in the politest sense of the phrase of course (unless you happen to be more obviously English):

Places to go [1]

Before, during and after a busy day having been told where to go, you will be in need of refreshment. So, this is when in Cardiff you really have to use your Brains! However, refreshment is also where the true multi-cultural legacy of the capital city comes into its own:

4. Brains journey [1]

The local brew is often to be found in its most splendid clarity (with Chris at The City Arms offering me free beer for the publicity… Not!). But, beware of local historians, all too eager to share their rose-tinted time warp stories of when Brains SA was the real deal.

A pint in the City Arms

However, with all of the zeitgeisty nonsense about immigration going on around these ancient lands of Perfidious Albion, it is the demands of the time warp fraternity that are at the centre of allowing interesting brands of low cloud in from the regions of England. The original multicultural port of Cardiff, giving rise to the infamous Tiger Bay, is now succeeded by little more than multi-regional representation in the brews that local people are prepared to fall over from, as a result of joyous consumption.

Just don’t ask about the local football team… you are a season too late on that one. And as for the historic local rugby team… my coughing and spluttering has nothing to do with choking on a furball. Suffice to say, this is a city that wears its sporting failures with as much ‘anonymity’ as it can muster. They even provide convenient masks lying around in public places in order to avoid being easily identified as a supporter:

Fallen headSo, it has been one year of me filling your bowl with quality morsels, and tugging on your tail about the issues that matter in this adopted city of mine. As I preen my whiskers at the thought of 84 posts in the bag, my final thought before we speak again is “are you looking at me?”

You looking at me?