[Football explained, or not!] O & P is for…

Posted on February 6, 2016 by Steve Morgan

ONTOLOGICAL OBJECTIVISM… otherwise known as OVERWHELMED by a need to stay dry. OPPUGN the passion if you will, but OODLES of the wet stuff from PREDICTED PERSISTENT PRECIPITATION turns out to be a recipe for OBFUSCATION. News of a PITCH inspection PRODUCES PALPITATIONS, after all, who PAYS to see PLAYERS PADDLING?

Us cats are nothing but PERSPICACIOUS in our OUTLOOK on all things to do with water. The PORTENTOUS PREDICTIONS of my OPAQUE PRAGMATIST are for the game to be POSTPONED.

But, it’s no OVATIONS for my resident OBDURATE PAGAN, as the rain-soaked game goes ahead with at least one PUTATIVE PHENOMENON missing.

Until we speak again this Bella will remain OMNIPRESENT. For the record it was Cardiff City 0 MK Dons 0, with the locals having played 30, won 11, drawn 12, and lost 7, which puts them currently 9th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] N is for…

Posted on January 23, 2016 by Steve Morgan

NARCOLEPSY… as the dull surroundings before the match remind the ‘resident stato’ of the snoozefest that this corresponding fixture produced last season.

But football is a fickle mistress, and N is quickly identified as being for NURTURING of renewed expectations, as the home team take an early lead in the game…

But either side of half-time it is the away team that gratefully take the opportunities to score, and enjoy the unintentional hospitality of the welcome. N is suddenly for NEUROSES and the home fans reach for the NEUROLEPTICS to calm jittery nerves, as the roller-coaster of NARCISSISM takes its toll. Not surprisingly the stadium staff do not show a screenshot of the 1-2 score!

But here’s the thing, you never can tell what football will produce. N is clearly for NOURISHING as the home team fashion the equaliser…

But there was still time for N to become NONSENSE in the eyes of home fans as NAPALM appears to descend on them, and a NARRATIVE of NEGLIGENCE is showered on the referee for sending off a City full-back through NEFARIOUS decision-making (or words to that effect!).

Until we speak again this Bella will largely be ignoring the resident nouveau nihilist. For the record it was Cardiff City 2 Rotherham United 2, with the locals having played 28, won 10, drawn 11, and lost 7, which puts them currently 9th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] M is for…

Posted on January 2, 2016 by Steve Morgan

MEDIOCRITY… which judging from the recent experiences of the local team takes a lot of careful teamwork and planning. Here is where meteoric is more mythological, and the meticulous mimics malady.

As normal service resumes for the whole of the first half we are reminded that M is for the MANGLE of MISERY… exemplified by the miscreant misdemeanours of maladroit malingerers; you don’t need to bring your own gloom, it comes provided in the ticket price!

But M can briefly be for MELLIFLUOUS… as a rare flowing movement gives the home team players and supporters respite and cause for celebration, as the microscopic minutiae metamorphose into an unexpected mirage.

And finally, M is for MENDACIOUS MISCELLANY… as a justly deserved but narrow home win tempts the fans to continue returning to the maelstrom of malarkey that manages to mirror the developing masquerade.

Until we speak again this Bella will largely be ignoring the resident mentor of melancholia. For the record it was Cardiff City 1 Blackburn Rovers 0, with the locals having played 25, won 9, drawn 10, and lost 6, which puts them currently 9th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] L is for…

Posted on December 30, 2015 by Steve Morgan

LARGESSE… as it is the season to be jolly Santa turned up and the away team were gifted a goal on their first attack, against the early run of play. The greetings were less than seasonal from the home crowd, with references to “You fat ba$t@+d”.

Cue the messages for the locals to overcome the effects of recent LIBATION… though ready for what is anyone’s guess!

We soon become aware that L is for LABYRINTHINE… as the mesmeric intricacies of the passing create the equalising goal, while bamboozling the opposition as well as many in the crowd.

But this is Cardiff City Football Club, and it doesn’t take long to realise L is for LOST… not as in losing the match, more losing the brief observing of what is occasionally called ‘the beautiful game’! In terms of lexicology, the longevity of lightening locomotion is lobotomised by the lachrymose longeur of limitations. Put another way, we are treated to a litany of languid and laborious lateral play, inducing nothing more than a lamentable display of lacklustre limbo.

Until we speak again this Bella will be longing to luxuriate in lustrous and lyrical liberation. For the record it was Cardiff City 1 Nottingham Forest 1, with the locals having played 24, won 8, drawn 10, and lost 6, which puts them currently 10th in the league.

[Football explained, or not] K is for…

Posted on December 16, 2015 by Steve Morgan

KARMA SUTRA… well, what do you expect when the birds (Cardiff City FC) and the bees (Brentford) get together? After all, there are at least 26 positions across the pitch (if you’re counting the referee and other officials); all laid out in front of a voyeuristic crowd!

But K is also for KINAESTHESIA… as the kick-ass locals are fully in tune with muscle tone, position and movement, resulting in the quite common recent experience of going in to half-time with a 2-0 lead.

However, K is also for KNIFE-EDGE… as once again the full 90 minutes turn on a Desmond (Tutu, that is… as in 2-2), as knackered knaves kibosh the chance of any kudos.

Then, suddenly K comes to stand for KAFKAESQUE… as the kerfuffle of a final kamikaze raid by the home team produces a winning goal in the last minute of added on time. Kaleidoscopic splinters coalesce, as kindred spirits no longer stare down the khazi. Karma is returned, no sutra required; as unrealistic expectations are kneaded back to kite-flying proportions.

Until we speak again this Bella will be anticipating Kalamity with a capital K; and where can a cat find a proper kebab when you need one? For the record it was Cardiff City 3 Brentford 2, with the locals having played 21, won 8, drawn 9, and lost 4, which puts them currently 7th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] J is for…

Posted on December 12, 2015 by Steve Morgan

JIHAD… as the crowd are jingoistically implored to create mass jocularity as they ‘Do the Ayatollah‘…

But J is also for JUDGEMENTAL… as jubilation justifiably means jack when the crowd are off somewhere else on another junket…

JUGULAR becomes the jest at a critical juncture as the joust becomes a jibe with a converted penalty early in the game…

But jettison the japes as the second half nerves jangle when jaded jackasses deliver nothing more than a jaundiced form of JUSTICE…

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 2 Sheffield Wednesday 2, with the locals having played 20, won 7, drawn 9, and lost 4, which puts them currently 7th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] I is for…

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Steve Morgan

WASN’T THERE… as in what half the population call illness, and the other gender call man flu. It’s blowing a gale with horizontal rain and you’ve been under the duvet for most of the last 24 hours; so the big question, among considerations of Paris bombings and Syrian aerial bombardment, or how to manage a European refugee crisis, is do I go to the match or not?

Having made an executive decision of major proportions, the sub-duvet bunker provides the perfect location for radio airwave surveillance. It takes a little over the allotted 90 minutes to realise ‘I’ also stands for INSULT to INJURY… as in what is added to the aforementioned illness as my team manage to blow a 2-0 lead by conceding an own goal in time added on. Just as the glorious summit was in sight the mist descended! The duvet decision is vindicated.

But in a creative (aka delirious) moment I ponder how ‘I’ could possibly stand for DON’T BELIEVE IT, in the event that the Cupertino, California fruit-influenced image makers seize on the so-called ‘beautiful game’. Imagine… iScore on the iPitch during the iMatch. I’m out of here! If you’re looking for real branding look no further than ICONIC Cardiff…

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 2 Burnley 2, with the locals having played 18, won 6, drawn 8, and lost 4, which puts them currently 10th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] H is for…

Posted on November 7, 2015 by Steve Morgan

HESITANT… as memories of the fallen dead from previous wars mingle with memories of what Cardiff City actually scoring a goal is like. With a run of four goalless matches the home hackles have been handicapped by happenstance.

But H is also for HANDSOME… as the home team’s centre forward hangs hypnotically in the air to head heavenly into the current roll of honour…

Everyone knows that H can be for HYSTERIA… as the hoi polloi pay homage to haughty hombres in their own hedonistic hallucinatory ways, clearly haemorrhaging any sense of harmonic hegemony…

But finally H was to be for HYPERBOLE… as any potential hollow hostility gives way to a herculean heist of the headlines as homies haggle over the hierarchy as they hypothesise over hammy heroics…

As for my heinous heretic of hogwash at home, I’m hoping for hassle-free honesty rather than harassed haranguing from the haggard haemorrhoid! Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Reading 0, with the locals having played 16, won 6, drawn 7, and lost 3, which puts them currently 7th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] G is for…

Posted on October 27, 2015 by Steve Morgan

GRUDGE… as my in-house ‘Genial General‘ prepares for the visit of the rivals from across the River Severn, whose name should not be uttered! Apparently this is a goad germinated in childhood that generates grievance at the memories of galling gallantry unrewarded. “Grow up” is what comes to mind for me! Meanwhile, on the pitch, it seems that the rivals compete at the genius idea of gladiatorial grappling in preparation for the big game…

However, as the teams line-up for kick-off it becomes clear that G is for GRATUITOUS, as any gauntlet of rivalry is quickly gobbled up in the genealogy of those on display. Just how many Cardiff players are Cardiffians, or Bristol players Bristolians?

By the half-time whistle G is beginning to represent GENTEEL, as the garrulous gathering are given mere gesture rather than glamour or glory. The gainful gravitas of the substitute gophers provides more grace than the gaffe-prone galaxy grovelling in the gloom of the changing rooms.

Finally, it would appear that G is for GUNGE, as the guarantee of glamorous galacticos’ offering guile and gloss belongs in a far distant groove; only to be replaced by ginormous gimps providing a gallery of garbage best summed up as guano. The grating grimace of a glance at the final scoreboard is only gazumped by the guiltless gargoyles on the pitch grubbing for garlands.

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella, though on the display just portrayed I might stick with the funny shaped ball game… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Bristol City 0, with the locals having played 13, won 5, drawn 6, and lost 2, which puts them currently 8th in the league (though God knows how!).

[Football explained, or not!] F is for…

Posted on October 21, 2015 by Steve Morgan

FERVENT… as the local taunt to the opposition is a rendition of ‘Men of Harlech‘ with the uncompromising line that ‘Welshmen will not yield‘!

But, all too noticeably, F is for FASTIDIOUSLY… as in staying away. There used to be a favourite newspaper competition entitled ‘Spot the ball‘ where a picture of live action was shown with the ball removed and readers were invited to put a cross where they think the ball is on the photograph. It seems that the un-yielding Welshmen of Cardiff City FC have become ‘Spot the crowd!‘

Fear not my good readers, for down at the stadium on match night it doesn’t take that many people to ensure F is for FIDUCIARY… as the compelling draw of football brings out the most pernicious faith in followers too fretful to believe anything other than in the formidable formation of their fantastical fallacies.

But in the end F will be for FELICITATIONS… as the flourish of fanciful fanfare, however it was foraged, or filched according to fractious foes, presents a finale of finery to flaunt in flagrant facetiousness.

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 1 Middlesborough 0, with the locals having played 12, won 5, drawn 5, and lost 2, which puts them currently 8th in the league.

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