Tag Archives: Linguistics

[Football explained, or not!] J is for…

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JIHAD… as the crowd are jingoistically implored to create mass jocularity as they ‘Do the Ayatollah‘…

Do the Ayatollah

But J is also for JUDGEMENTAL… as jubilation justifiably means jack when the crowd are off somewhere else on another junket…

No crowdJUGULAR becomes the jest at a critical juncture as the joust becomes a jibe with a converted penalty early in the game…

PenaltyBut jettison the japes as the second half nerves jangle when jaded jackasses deliver nothing more than a jaundiced form of JUSTICE…

Another drawArmadilloUntil we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 2 Sheffield Wednesday 2, with the locals having played 20, won 7, drawn 9, and lost 4, which puts them currently 7th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] G is for…

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GRUDGE… as my in-house ‘Genial General‘ prepares for the visit of the rivals from across the River Severn, whose name should not be uttered! Apparently this is a goad germinated in childhood that generates grievance at the memories of galling gallantry unrewarded. “Grow up”  is what comes to mind for me! Meanwhile, on the pitch, it seems that the rivals compete at the genius idea of gladiatorial grappling in preparation for the big game…

City v Bristol City [2]

However, as the teams line-up for kick-off it becomes clear that G is for GRATUITOUS, as any gauntlet of rivalry is quickly gobbled up in the genealogy of those on display. Just how many Cardiff players are Cardiffians, or Bristol players Bristolians?

City v Bristol City [3]By the half-time whistle G is beginning to represent GENTEEL, as the garrulous gathering are given mere gesture rather than glamour or glory. The gainful gravitas of the substitute gophers provides more grace than the gaffe-prone galaxy grovelling in the gloom of the changing rooms.

City v Bristol City [4]Finally, it would appear that G is for GUNGE, as the guarantee of glamorous galacticos’ offering guile and gloss belongs in a far distant groove; only to be replaced by ginormous gimps providing a gallery of garbage best summed up as guano. The grating grimace of a glance at the final scoreboard is only gazumped by the guiltless gargoyles on the pitch grubbing for garlands.

City v Bristol City [5]Relaxed rugbyUntil we speak again I will continue to be Bella, though on the display just portrayed I might stick with the funny shaped ball game… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Bristol City 0, with the locals having played 13, won 5, drawn 6, and lost 2, which puts them currently 8th in the league (though God knows how!).

Balls of bewilderment

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Relaxed rugbyI’ve been hearing a lot about some Rugby World Cup just starting, and it seems to be invading my home city in very strange ways. It seems to me to be a weird game in more ways than one. Firstly there is that ball, it rolls where it wants to… hang on here, I’m the one in charge, I decide what goes where in this place.

I saw some of a match on the ‘couch potato’s’ TV last night, and from what I could see it was just a bunch of men jumping and diving all over the place, and throwing each other on the floor in a frenetic way. So I’ve decided to adopt a more relaxed approach to the game.

Meanwhile, after an early morning’s flick and a snooze I thought I would check out what is going on around Cardiff city centre on this first of eight Millennium Stadium match days. The in-house ‘domestic grump’ keeps going on about plastic glasses, whatever that’s supposed to mean. Apparently, this so-called gentleman’s game watched by supporters who mingle and banter in friendly style still invoke city centre pubs to adopt plastic glasses for beer all day on match days.

Anyway, the quality of the beer wasn’t uppermost in my mind as I strolled around town.

Try Inn [3]

Sanity was of greater imperative as I turned into Duke Street… it seems even the iconic Cardiff Castle is not immune to World Cup fever…

Castle rugby ball [1]

As the world arrives on the shores of the United Kingdom for these matches over the next 6 weeks I anticipated strange things would be happening involving balls, but a sight on Queen Street even had me somewhat dumbfounded…

People,balancing act

Until we speak again I am going to be bewildered Bella, but may all of your balls be baffle free.

[Football explained, or not!] D is for…

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Contemplating from my chairSo there I was, contemplating the meaning of life from my newly annexed personal throne, when ‘food finder general’ informs me there is a midweek fixture going on… like now! So, as they say in common footballing parlance… here we go, here we go, here we go (though who knows why?). But let’s get on with reviewing what might have been going on in a parallel sporting universe, where…

D might just be for Delirium, as the locals are invited early on in the season to shoot for the moon, having already found themselves creeping into the rarefied atmosphere just below the summit of the league table…

night-cannon-moon

But D is also for Dissonance, particularly the cognitive variety as the local team defy damnation by losing their first game of the season having put in their best home performance!

With all one's strength

D can also be for Dysphoria, as the delicate Bluebirds prepare for what is to become a disingenuous denouement at the claws of white tigers (as opposed to the more usual black and yellow striped appearance of the tigers of Hull City )…

City v Hull [1]

But finally, D is for Duplicitous, as someone changes the rules of the game and puts both sets of goalposts at the same end of the pitch; a tactic defining dubious disadvantage for one team’s defenders…

City v Hull [2]

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Hull City 2, with the locals having played 7, won 3, drawn 3, and lost 1, which puts them currently 6th in the league… we have gone, we have gone, we have gone (though who knows why?).

[Football explained, or not!] A is for…

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Armadillo poseJuno was never one to let any form of exertion, even spectating, interrupt a more important priority. This was the usual pose as the ‘resident masochist’ waxed lyrical about nothing of much importance… football.

But, what is this UK version of the widely recognised sporting name really about? For any readers thinking of switching off at this stage, stay with me for a few moments. My promise to you is an A-Z of the game like you wouldn’t imagine, all brought to you courtesy of a life sentence as a Cardiff City fan! So, in this game what does ‘A’ stand for?

A is for AQUATIC, something that any self-respecting cat would be scampering away from. But in irrational footballing terms, a little water at the start of the season can only help grow those completely unrealistic expectations that every fan harbours for their team just as the new dawn emerges…

Watering pitch

A is also for ALCHEMY, as the home team line up with flattering intentions of transforming the ordinary into something extraordinary by the kind of chemistry never previously seen in these parts… so the intelligent cat would surely be asking why would it suddenly work now?

City v Fulham

A is for ANATHEMA, as the away side take the lead through a wicked curse of a deflection that outwits the home team goalkeeper. Amazing how it takes all of 47 minutes for the expectations of home fans to drain at the prospect of defeat at the start of the season.

Negative mindset

But A is also for APOCRYPHAL, as less than 30 minutes later the home team equalise to send their fans into the unlikely claim of being the greatest team in football the world has ever seen!

Until we speak again Juno would surely wish that you maintain a sense of emotional balance… unlike most football fans. Cardiff City 1 Fulham 1.