Rotten Boroughs

There was a time in the political history of Britain when cats with an interest in local matters  had little or no say in the election of those who would represent them… merely trapped in personal fiefdoms, you might say. They became known as Rotten Boroughs.

There seems to be more than a passing resemblance in today’s sporting contest with the concept of Rotten Boroughs. Just take a look at the extent of influence that their non-footballing owners have over the football appointments in their own personal fiefdoms!

This is also a clash that takes on a strong sense of being manufactured by media representations; where a ‘rotten‘ core of a rivalry has been projected onto a fixture that only very rarely used to involve ‘significant’ matches. It did however involve teams with a perceived rotten core of supporters, so this might well be portrayed as a derby for the rotten boroughs, at least in some twilight world of imagination. Today’s faux politeness requires that teams present friendly greetings before they play at falling over and getting the opposition players booked or sent off!

cardiff-v-leeds

But, this occasion is also spiced by the need for both teams to drag themselves out of perilous league positions in the early weeks of this season. After a mere handful of matches there is already an important question emerging on local lips…

what-do-you-stand-for

With a new manager, Paul Trollope, at the start of the season, I chose to name my fantasy football team ‘Pure Trollope’ for this year. As I have said before, this was meant to be ironic commentary, not a documentary! Though we can begin to identify the trollope way of playing emerging as a pattern… create chances, score nothing, then present a relatively poor opposing team a few chances to help themselves to a win. Sounds like the machinations of a rotten borough to me, as one of the dwindling numbers paying for the pain of watching a deja vu experience at each home game.

There again, it could just be that we are the activists who have little need for the power of influence that comes with winning matches and challenging for the big time. Why aspire to such heights, when we can enjoy a permanent state of moaning and disagreement with the way of things?

sleeping-cat

If Bella was still listening to the current regular diatribe, she might well be asking if this was really about Cardiff City FC, as it sounds remarkably like the current commentary on an increasingly irrelevant Labour Party… a political party assuming a similar projection to the local team… sleepwalking to oblivion. [For those of you with little or no interest in the outcome the final score was Cardiff City 0 Leeds United 2; and Cardiff finally hit rock bottom of the league!].

Taking your seat

Take a picture of this… it’s a cold Tuesday afternoon in January, and the House of Commons are about to hold a Department of Transport debate on the effectiveness of ‘cats eyes’.

Cats eyesTake a guess as to how many seats are occupied for such a brain numbing encounter? You don’t need to guess any longer, as the latest edition of ‘Pure Trollope’ (Paul Trollope being the new Cardiff City FC Manager) provides the answer for us!

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For the record, the final score was Cardiff City 0 Reading 1, and the home fans left en masse (if such a movement was numerically possible) as the fluorescent ones scored on 89 minutes.

Until we speak again, may your team on the pitch not outnumber the fans in the stands!

Labour Party travails

They say “you have to be in it to win it”, well I wasn’t and they did, but not very convincingly. As I was surgically waylaid, it seems my team managed their first win of the season [Cardiff City 2 Blackburn Rovers 1]. However, it also transpires they won courtesy of two own goals by the same Blackburn player; so we still haven’t actually scored a goal all season!

That got me thinking of a political analogy… a team that doesn’t have to score because they can rely on the opposition scoring own goals for them. Sounds just like the luck currently enjoyed by the Conservative Party making up the British Government. Who needs to exert themselves when we have a Labour Party determined to shoot themselves up the proverbial?

Not supposed to happen

Until we speak again, would somebody please remove the blunderbuss from the possession of Her Majesty’s farcical opposition?

Brexit explained

Be very wary of those welcoming messages, they might just be hiding something more sinister for unsuspecting visitors…

Welcome to Cardiff City Stadium

“It’s those immigrants, coming here and taking our overpaid prima donna roles.” [With only five Welsh players in the whole squad, three of whom you never hear about!]

“How is our local economy going to survive?” [Our home grown talent has to make do with only a few grand a week!]

“It’s those foreigners, coming here and taking all off our points!” [Cardiff City 0 Queens Park Rangers 2.]

“What is happening to our sovereign status as an independent sporting power?” [Oh yes, we are in hock to a Malaysian owner!]

Until we speak again, keep the welcome in a language designed to keep all of those interlopers baffled…

Welcome in Welsh

 

[Football explained, or not!] Z is for…

ZANY…

Watching Cardiff City FC over the last 9 months is nicely summed up in the following quote: “Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller-skates; you’re guaranteed movement, you just don’t know if it is going to be forwards, backwards or sideways.” [H. Jackson Brown Jr.].

Untitled

But Z is also for ZEITGEIST… and the spirit of the local fans and the team has been repeatedly summed up in a phrase that means little to anyone else not in the know…

Do the Ayatollah [2]

As another season comes to a close it becomes abundantly clear that Z is for ZILCH… on too many recent occasions team members have embodied an oft used cliche as a season draws to a close… their ZONKED demeanour suggests they are already on the beach.

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So, finally Z is for ZUGZWANG… i.e. nothing of any advantage emerges from the last few displays, as the team occupy firstly the uncoverted 7th position, the highest of the meaningless places; but then contrive to slip even further with a final draw in a game they shouldn’t be drawing.

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For the record the final score was Cardiff City 1 Birmingham City 1, with the home team finishing the season in 8th position with 17 wins, 17 draws, and 12 defeats. Until the next season of hope and despair (with Juno and Bella’s successor taking on the role of managing me), why not spend the summer sharpening your ZZ TOP impersonations, listen to your ZOMBIES back catalogue, or simply catch up on some relaxing ZZZ’s.

[Football explained, or not!] X & Y are for…

YESTERYEAR… as your team find themselves 7 points adrift with only 9 more to play for in this season. Fans are invited to indulge more in arse-end-surveillance for any sources of satisfaction…

Arse end surveillance

Y further stands for YOKE… as your team welcomes you to take on a permanent burden of failing expectation; particularly when they go 0-1 down against the bottom of the league team in a must-win match!

Croesio Stadiwn

But X can strangely stand for XANADU… as those who should know better begin to dream again as the continued pressure against a 10-man opposition (after a 30th minute sending off) brings an equalising goal…

Goal GolAs for that XMAS  feeling, the penalty in the last minute brings jubilation to the locals; but this is an X really better put on hold, as reality looks like emerging with a much different type of outcome…

Fireworks on dark sky

 

 

 

OR

Down the pan

 

 

Bella predicted that if you YEARN for your XYLOPHONE it will only YIELD YOWL. If you find YOURSELF YAWNING at this YARN try the score instead, Cardiff City 2 Bolton Wanderers 1; with the locals now having played 44, won 17, drawn 16 and lost 11, they remain in 7th position (top of the also-rans!).

[Football explained, or not!] W is for…

WATERSHED… as the chance of making a play-off place, to keep open a slim chance of promotion to the Promised Land, assumes WAGNERIAN WAVELENGTHS

Hand in sea water asking for help. Failure and rescue concept.

But rather WHIMSICALLY W also appears to be for WILTING WOEFUL WAYWARD @ANKERS… as half-time arrives with barely a shot on goal by either team…

City v QPR [3]

And finally, W is clearly for WHATEVER!… as a marginally revitalised second half produces a WINDBLOWN WINDFALL of WISTFUL WISHES but no more goals than the first. With two points out of nine from their last three matches the ever hopeful are beginning to become WRACKED WITH WRATH as the strain of burdensome expectations and hopes WENDS its WEAVE

Negative mindsetFarewellBella has departed to take up residence with the originator of this blog, Juno; but the WONDROUS WHACKY WAFFLE from the resident WINSOME WASTREL will undoubtedly be a WEARISOME task WELCOMELY WITHDRAWN.

For the record the final score was Cardiff City 0 Queens Park Rangers 0, with the home team now having won 16, drawn 16, and lost 10; so they still remain rooted in 7th position.

 

[Football explained, or not!] V is for…

VAINGLORIOUS… as VALIANT VALUATION is VICARIOUSLY VISITED upon VAGABOND VULTURES.

Close up image of business person holding shining key

However, V is also for VERISIMILITUDE… as VOCIFEROUS VISIONARIES offer VAUDEVILLIAN VERNACULAR towards VAPID VISITORS…

City v Derby [1]

Then there is the V for VORACIOUS… as VIBRANT VIRTUOSO Bluebirds aim to devour VIRULENTLY VEXATIOUS Rams in VANQUISHED VOLATILITY

Not supposed to happen

But the final whistle means V is for VAMOOSE… as VENOMOUS VERBOSITY intermingles with VERITABLE VENERATION and more than a hint of VALEDICTORY VULNERABILITY…

yes-238381_1280

Watching somethingUntil we speak again this Bella remains VEHEMENTLY VIVACIOUS… For the record it was Cardiff City 2 Derby County 1, with the locals having played 39, won 16, drawn 14, and lost 9, which puts them currently 7th in the league.City v Derby [3]

[Football explained, or not!] U is for…

UBERMENSCH… in response to an UNAMBIGUOUS ULTIMATUM following the UNCTUOUS UMBRAGE experienced in the last home match defeat.

Man jumping off a cliff with a rope.

City v Ipswich [1]

 

But it also seems to be for UNBELIEVABLE… as the match goes ahead with an UNEQUIVOCAL clash in timing with the England v Wales international rugby match, as seen in the respective crowds…

 

England v Wales [1]

 

 

 

Then there is always the U for UNBEKNOWNST… as the business end of the season poses the ULTIMATE challenge for those still feeling UPBEAT…

Devil in the detail

But fans need to be UNIQUELY aware of the potential for UNABRIDGED UPHEAVAL as the UPSIDE of the rollercoaster ride that will form the end to the season…

Roller coaster ride

You looking at me [2]

Until we speak again this Bella will be seeking an UPGRADE to UTOPIA. For the record it was Cardiff City 1 Ipswich Town 0, with the locals having played 37, won 15, drawn 13, and lost 9, which puts them currently 7th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] T is for…

TROUBADOUR… as T’YORKSHIRE TYKES TRY TO TRICK  local TRIBESMEN with a seductive mascot in their TRADITIONAL TAPESTRY of white…

animal-sitting-animals-inside

But it is also about TRAVESTY as a TABLEAU of TENDENTIOUS TRANSGRESSIONS THWART THE TERRITORIAL TENACITY of the huddled few…

City v Leeds [1]

Those in the know (i.e. biased home supporters) understand that T is for TENUOUS… as TREMULOUS TREPIDATION sets a TEMPLATE for a TOXIC TRAJECTORY as recent TUMULTUOUS TRACTION TURNS TO TRAUMATIC TRANSACTION…

Concept: Successful business trend. Happy talented businesswoman pointing arm upwards in front of ascending business graph, isolated on grey background.

Thinking cat

If I didn’t know better I’d swear my TRUCULENT TYRANT TRANSACTS THROUGH TRANSFERENCE and the proposition of a TSUNAMI of TURMOIL is nothing more than TANTAMOUNT TO TRAGICOMEDY!

Until we speak again this Bella will TRADE only in TAUTOLOGIES. For the record it was Cardiff City 0 Leeds united 2, with the locals having played 36, won 14, drawn 13, and lost 9, which puts them currently hanging TANTALISINGLY to 7th in the league.