[Football explained, or not!] E is for…

Posted on September 27, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Commentating on this football malarkey can be really tiring. After all, us cats were not fundamentally designed for the sports vibe. So, I thought I would give you an insight into the whole sports journalism business… here I am deeply engrossed in an intensely thought-provoking creative process.

Meanwhile, I sent my resident ‘misguided optimist’ over to the Cardiff City Stadium to be my eyes and ears on the action. This game is slightly different from all the others in the season, because ‘Optimist Central’ is accompanied by a couple of off-spring who support the opposition; a surefire recipe for disappointment somewhere in the group. Anyway, enough of the familial ramblings, it’s time for me to let you in on the meaning of E.

E is for Eponymous, because the collective number of brain cells of a mass of football supporters is slightly in excess of the number of supporters present. So, it seems they need a reminder of where they are now that they have arrived. Welcome to the eponymous…

But, E is also for Exculpate, as the effervescence of ecstatic passages of play are eternally interrupted by an eccentric epitome of expedience, otherwise known as an ability to go 1-0 down against the balance of play. Who is to blame, or should there be any elective finger pointing at all?

Then suddenly E is for Efficacious, a word most commonly associated with Lily the Pink (you have to be over 50 and from the UK to understand that one!). As if by some eccentric ebullience equilibrium is elevated through an equalising goal (you probably have to be bonkers to understand that one!). Expectation will erupt at this point…

Then as if by euphoric edification E is for Ethereal, as elegant exuberance masquerades as epiphany… yes, you guessed it, the epicentre of entropy equivocates in eloquence. Not that a bunch of football fans would be capable of such éclat. The opposition are sent into existential angst…

And all of this happened a few hours before Wales defeated England in the Rugby Union World Cup at Twickenham!! It is safe to say that my home city experienced euphoria in the extreme. Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 2 Charlton Athletic 1, with the locals having played 8, won 4, drawn 3, and lost 1, which puts them currently 5th in the league.

[Football explained, or not!] D is for…

Posted on September 16, 2015 by Steve Morgan

So there I was, contemplating the meaning of life from my newly annexed personal throne, when ‘food finder general’ informs me there is a midweek fixture going on… like now! So, as they say in common footballing parlance… here we go, here we go, here we go (though who knows why?). But let’s get on with reviewing what might have been going on in a parallel sporting universe, where…

D might just be for Delirium, as the locals are invited early on in the season to shoot for the moon, having already found themselves creeping into the rarefied atmosphere just below the summit of the league table…

But D is also for Dissonance, particularly the cognitive variety as the local team defy damnation by losing their first game of the season having put in their best home performance!

D can also be for Dysphoria, as the delicate Bluebirds prepare for what is to become a disingenuous denouement at the claws of white tigers (as opposed to the more usual black and yellow striped appearance of the tigers of Hull City )…

But finally, D is for Duplicitous, as someone changes the rules of the game and puts both sets of goalposts at the same end of the pitch; a tactic defining dubious disadvantage for one team’s defenders…

Until we speak again I will continue to be Bella… and for the record it was Cardiff City 0 Hull City 2, with the locals having played 7, won 3, drawn 3, and lost 1, which puts them currently 6th in the league… we have gone, we have gone, we have gone (though who knows why?).

[Football explained, or not!] C is for…

Posted on September 12, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Cool cat’s chutzpah, as I’m told it is my new responsibility to report on the calamitous capitulations and cathartic coruscations at the Cardiff City stadium.

Enough of the introductions, C is for…

CABOODLE, as in the whole kit and caboodle; though it seems that today’s visitors Huddersfield Town went for the full caboodle in an attempt to blind the opposition with their less than fashionable luminous yellow presentation…

C is also for CACOPHONY, more frequently defined as a discordant combination of sounds, something like you would expect from a raucous home crowd at a football match. However, as the attendances at these matches seem to be diminishing the Cardiff City stadium seems to be making do with the cadaverous sounds of a library, at least until the cacophony shows up!

But in these early undefeated days of the season C is for CAPRICIOUS, whereby the ‘indoor optimist’ is suddenly changing their pre-season crepuscular expectations towards a calefacient candescence…

I have been Bella, and I will leave the calmative caveat of the stadium screen to provide closure…

after all the team have played 6 won 3 and drawn 3 to quietly slip into 2nd place. C’mon City!

[Football explained, or not!] B is for…

Posted on August 22, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Beautiful cats, as Juno prepares to hand on the baton of blogging to Beligerent Bella, who will be unveiled soon as the new voice of Juno’s View!

B is for BLUSTER, an atmosphere created where unfavourable meteorological conditions meet with the untamed expectations of fans. With minutes to go before the kick-off the heavens open, but is it a good omen, or not so good?

It is also for Boondoggle, finding trivial, time-wasting pastimes when a bunch of guys have nothing better to do than rue missing past opportunities to get involved in the weird and wonderful world of rugby scrums…

But ultimately B was for BENEFICENCE, as two gifts from somewhere enabled the home crowd to dabble in a little BOMBAST before departing the ground for anything resembling a BANQUET to celebrate the first win of the season…

I thought we were celebrating!!

Until we speak again… Cardiff City 2 Wolves 0 means home and away Played 4 Won 1 Drawn 3… may all of your beatifications be those of a benign bodhisattva, or words to that effect!

[Football explained, or not!] A is for…

Posted on August 9, 2015 by Steve Morgan

Juno was never one to let any form of exertion, even spectating, interrupt a more important priority. This was the usual pose as the ‘resident masochist’ waxed lyrical about nothing of much importance… football.

But, what is this UK version of the widely recognised sporting name really about? For any readers thinking of switching off at this stage, stay with me for a few moments. My promise to you is an A-Z of the game like you wouldn’t imagine, all brought to you courtesy of a life sentence as a Cardiff City fan! So, in this game what does ‘A’ stand for?

A is for AQUATIC, something that any self-respecting cat would be scampering away from. But in irrational footballing terms, a little water at the start of the season can only help grow those completely unrealistic expectations that every fan harbours for their team just as the new dawn emerges…

A is also for ALCHEMY, as the home team line up with flattering intentions of transforming the ordinary into something extraordinary by the kind of chemistry never previously seen in these parts… so the intelligent cat would surely be asking why would it suddenly work now?

A is for ANATHEMA, as the away side take the lead through a wicked curse of a deflection that outwits the home team goalkeeper. Amazing how it takes all of 47 minutes for the expectations of home fans to drain at the prospect of defeat at the start of the season.

But A is also for APOCRYPHAL, as less than 30 minutes later the home team equalise to send their fans into the unlikely claim of being the greatest team in football the world has ever seen!

Until we speak again Juno would surely wish that you maintain a sense of emotional balance… unlike most football fans. Cardiff City 1 Fulham 1.

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JUNO's VIEW

Seeing Cardiff and the world through the eyes of one cool cat

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