Dreaming of The Hamptons

My ‘surrogate nomad‘ tends to go off on rather strange trips, and thinks it is funny to ask me where I have been immediately when they return home. Even the menacing laser look doesn’t seem to stem the flow of nonsense from the failed comedian…

The eyes again

Chillout cat

So, the best I can do is curl up and dream of exotic places based on the incoherent mutterings of the ‘resident worker bee‘ with these destinations attributed to me despite the fact I haven’t left home. Forgive me on this occasion for dreaming of life in The Hamptons… the exclusive summer home of wealthy Manhattan cats amongst others. Exotic food immediately comes to mind, after all what am I supposed to do with this nouveau plastic cuisine?

Cat Mate

Meanwhile, my ‘culinary torturer‘ is happily socialising with fabulous company in somewhere called Dangs Vietnamese Restaurant

Dangs Vietnameseeating sumptuous salmon complete with green stuff and a side dish of white stuff, and a decorative pineapple (which should be a feast for a more deserving cat stuck here in Guantanamo/Cardiff Bay).

I am dreaming of a dramatic and welcoming skyline…

 

   … but then find I am engaged in a bit of the cognitive dissonance thing, as the best Cardiff can offer is the dreaming spires of the Millenium Stadium:

City centre skyline [2]

But this is nothing compared with the reports from the ‘lost wanderer‘ who speaks of such a warm welcome in The Hamptons, only for the dominant vision to be one of a prominent middle finger to the world!

Northampton skylineMy dream comes to an unexpected close with the realisation that the middle finger is the iconic message from middle England… I had been vaguely remembering that my primary  ‘comfort provider‘ had droned on about visits to Southampton in recent months, and was now returning from Northampton… it was all a bit Hamptons-lite in the end!

Until we speak again I intend being an inquisitive Juno, wondering what Northampton has that keeps my so-called ‘intelligent one‘ returning for the last 17 years.

Shootout at the KO Corral

Tombstone, Arizona relocates to Cardiff, South Wales for 90 minutes as the infamous 3.00pm shootout is reprised by a bunch of misfiring Premier League gunslingers at the Cardiff City Stadium. With a Marshall as the last line of defence Cardiff City FC are looking to put the visiting Eagles on the road to Boot Hill. Scoring three goals in each of their last two games the home team are shaping up more as Earps rather than the mis-firing twerps of the previous few months. Crystal Palace FC travel to the wild west, but who is going to need a Doc, and who will be looking to a Premier League survival Holliday?

This is a shootout between two of the teams who drifted into Premier League town this season, and both have been eyed up and carefully measured by the local undertaker as favourites to be driven back out of town, one way or another. My ‘resident outlaw‘ despairs at a situation where the Eagles are five points ahead of the Bluebirds as they shape up to face each other at either end of the corral.

City v Palace [1]

“It’s a crime that a team so far behind us at the end of last season, and so far behind us earlier in this season, are now ahead of us entering this gunfight” says the disgruntled one. But the previously floundering Eagles arrive with a new backbone of former Cardiff cowboys, and a former supporter in Tony Pulis as head outlaw.

For 30 minutes there is a distinct impression around the onlookers that they are witnessing a contest of firing blanks, then a poor spectacle is briefly illuminated by an unexpected Crystal Palace goal.

Half-time arrives with Eagles soaring…       

Cardiff City 0 Crystal Palace 1.

 

Taking the roof off

With the second half about to start, the questions are largely about the tactics of the home team, can they make home advantage work and get their supporters to raise the roof? They seem to be getting some help from other sources…

City v Palace [3]

The home team hardly seem to have had any injection of urgency, with their Colt 45’s functioning more as water pistols. Without any great exertions the away team score a second goal inevitably by one of their old boys, so celebrations on the pitch take the now ridiculous customary mute tone as some fake demonstration of respect for scoring against a team they used to score for.

The Cardiff sheriff makes some changes to personnel, but onlookers are muttering something about too little too late. Then the killer blow as Crystal Palace score a wonder goal out of nothing. Cue a mass exodus by home fans, and the now customary chant from away fans that are in a clear winning advantage… “Is there a fire drill?” The final score is wildly celebrated by the away fans, as the home fans make their funereal march home…

        0 v 3      

There is no doubt that if the Earps and Holliday combo of 1881 had performed anything like the home team today that Boot Hill cemetery in Tombstone would be welcoming different corpses. In the meantime, my ‘deadbeat supporter‘ accepts that suicide would be getting off lightly, and the only sentence for a current supporter of Cardiff City is to keep watching them! Until we speak again I will be Juno trying not to taunt Wyatt Twerp with a slow goodbye to Premier League football in this household.

[Some of the images have been downloaded from google images, with thanks to the suppliers for their contribution to the making of this story].

Older and bolder

For any cats around the world stowing away on boats, determined that Cardiff is their desired destination (and why not I say!), you will know when you have arrived. The magnificent Pierhead Building will be there to greet you. For all of the modern development of the former world famous docks into the Cardiff Bay ‘leisure and government administration zone’, the eye can’t help but be drawn in by the older building.

Across Bay [4]It was designed by a Welsh Englishman named William Frame (1848-1906), because nothing in Wales is that straightforward. But there is no doubt about the 100% Welsh materials making up the French-originated design… Ruabon in North Wales was apparently known as ‘Terracottapolis‘ for the Etruria marl clay that forms the base of the distinctive terra cotta materials. It was paid for by a Scotsman, John Crichton-Stuart (3rd Marquess of Bute); so all that were needed were Irish and Italian builders or visitors for the locally revered ‘Six-Nations Rugby’ to be represented in the one building! It took 3 years in construction, opened in 1897, and cost a mere £30,000… which would realistically only pay for the furniture for us cats to sharpen our claws on in today’s prices.

Cardiff Bay sweep 5As I stroll around the Bay area I can do nothing but purr contentedly at the framing of this building from different angles. The Gothic revivalist architecture contrasts with the modern buildings surrounding it, with its strong lines and attention to detail marking it out against the sweeping and blander images of some of its modern neighbours.

Pierhead Building [1]

Close inspection lets you know the original purpose of this Grade 1 listed Victorian gem, established as the home of the Bute Docks Company. It also sat at the gateway for seamen from the world over who settled in Tiger Bay to make it the first multicultural community in the UK. Early in the 20th century it transferred to accommodate the Cardiff Railway Company, and later on to offices of the Great Western Railway.

Bute Dock Company sign

As the docks declined and closed, this proud building that had in its days administered the Port of Cardiff and the railways necessary for transporting much of the freight, lost its way, a bit like a stray cat, and fell into the same disuse as most of the surrounding industrial waste land. As the 20th century entered its final couple of decades it recaptured its original splendour within the new commercial vision for the docklands redevelopment.

Pierhead BuildingIt is now a part of the neighbouring Welsh Assembly buildings, complete with its own smaller version of ‘Big Ben’, but too small to provide the Assembly with its debating chamber… now accommodated in the wooden stingray beached next door. At least this architectural treasure is spared the need to accommodate political hot air, unlike the original ‘Big Ben’ of London framing the Palace of Westminster.

Pierhead Building [2]The detail on all parts of the building is exquisite, and just like many iconic buildings you can spend a great deal of time actually reading the building itself, as a bold statement of its designers and its place in time. Even the well preserved gargoyles are enough to remind any self-respecting cat of the dangers posed by a pack of ugly dogs! Now the building houses a visitor attraction with a 5-minute visual montage of the history of the surrounding area every 20 minutes in the Main Hall, as well as space for other Welsh history exhibitions, events and conferences.

Pierhead Building [3]

 

For this cat it is very reassuring that at least some remnants of the once great industrial heritage of this area are preserved, even if it also manages to show up the relatively poor standard of architectural fare that passes as modern progress and development. The Victorian age may now form a diminishing legacy of the older stock in our built environment, but it still shows how bold they were in some of their grand statements.

Who says an ordinary cat can’t have interests beyond sleeping and eating? Cardiff may not be overly blessed with world class examples of architecture, but it has a number of gems of all ages. Until we speak again I will continue to promote the Juno Architectural Appreciation Society of Cardiff.

A saintly celebration

People around these parts always celebrate the 1st March… it’s St. David’s Day for all proud Welsh folk. So as I was ambling around the neighbourhood I wondered what local tradition might a cat take up in order to join in the celebrations. They are helpful people, they even signpost the way…

Its Brains you want

I decided I would follow a so-called cerebral journey to see what Brains is all about locally. As good a starting point as any would be the brewery, conveniently located in the centre of the city, with a backdrop of the Millenium Stadium…

2. Brains Brewery [2]

… and even adorning the national rugby shirt.  

You get a wide range of views on the product from the local beer aficionados, ranging from it’s one of the best beers around, to it used to be one of the best before the brewery lost their mojo, to “is it called brains or drains?” My ‘personal taster‘ tells me that the capital city of Wales needs a clearly defined brand of beer crafted to the highest standards… meanwhile I drift off into another snooze.

Getting back to the task at hand, I am led to believe that breweries require loads of water, so this one seems nicely positioned on the bank of the River Taff (so that’s where the locals get their nickname from!).

3. Brains Brewery [3]Ignoring what some say, that there is little difference between what you see in the river and what you taste in the pub, I decide a cat needs to visit the iconic City Arms pub (the landlord Chris scripted that bit!!) in the centre of the city to check out the quality…

City Arms [1]With my old friend ‘Fat Freddies Cat‘ already filling the tank with anything but Brains, I was suitably impressed by the visual elegance of this local brew…

4. Brains journey [1]

5. Brains journey [2]

 

And it seemed to slip down very easily…

My investigations identified that strangely beer is not something you buy, in reality it is a product you rent; and pubs even come with their own built-in recycling plants for keeping the rental process turning over…

6. Brains journey [3]

 

 

 

Being a cat of impeccable values, my next question was one of the importance of recycling and what happens when several pints of this local nectar have been consumed? 7. Brains journey [4]

Look away now if you are a lager drinker! My best guess is that the in-house recycling plant produces a keg style by-product. What doesn’t return into the Taff for the short journey back to the brewery seems to retain the straw-like colour of the previous waste products, emerging as it does through several taps on the bar serving up brands of what is more characteristically known as European style juice.

My journey was nearly over, but a final surprise awaited. It seems that these emporia of the country’s good working folk also cater for the tastes of the modern day fat cats, with a specific beer crafted for the bankers of the world…

8. Beer for fat cats

 

I hope you enjoy your saintly celebrations, wherever you are; but until we speak again I will be a staggering Juno, as  wind my way back on a journey to my usual water bowl.

When Meccano met Lego

My home-based ‘frustrated architect‘ was busy regaling the BBC4 programme ‘The Brits Who Built the Modern World‘ last week. “If you are so enamoured by modern architecture what are you doing in Cardiff?” I asked. But it did get me appreciating the convenience of an in-house laptop with private photo library. Do I really want to ruffle my fur braving hurricane force gales bouncing February inside out, just to check out the local definition of iconic?

The BBC4 programme included a few old but cool cats by the names of Foster, Rogers, Grimshaw, Farrell and Hopkins …. some even referencing their childhood love of meccano as an influence on their later design ethic:

So I started to ponder where the Lloyds of London and Pompidou Centre of Paris was to be found in the cultural capital of Wales… when my mind drifted towards the Bay. There across the water stood an iconic location…

Across Bay [1]

… but is it the under-use of meccano, or is it the introduction of a distracting lego vibe that causes so many first-time visitors to ask “what on earth is that supposed to be?”

St Davids Hotel [9]

St Davids Hotel [1]

In all honesty, the same has been asked of the Lloyds & Pompidou buildings in their time, but I await with baited breath the remaining two episodes of the BBC4 programme to see if they spend any time reflecting on the architectural majesty of Cardiff Bay!

St Davids Hotel [2]

5-star accommodation is usually based on the luxury of the living space, but for those who can’t afford it (or access the necessary business account) the external aesthetic is what counts if locals are to take pride in their architectural icons.

St Davids Hotel [5]

But, perhaps the St. David’s Hotel on the Bay has more to offer if we take more than a churlish glance… how about an outdoor meeting with a view, or the curviliciousness that is less noticeable when the building is viewed from a distance?

St Davids Hotel [3]

St Davids Hotel [4]

Perhaps the hotel entrance and internal atrium offers further redemption, particularly for the internal decorators amongst you…

The restaurant may not offer value-for-money to the aficionados of Caroline Street style, but it may offer the ideal place for those who splash out on the special occasion; and those who can afford a loyalty card to place next to their Government/Banking membership cards. My ‘resident banker‘ went there over 10 years ago and tells me it suited the bill for a special family occasion, particularly with views out across the Bay while you eat. But it is up against a wide range of competition in the local area for all budgets.

Either way, it seems to a mere cat like me (no, not a meerkat!) that this architecture game is a bit like any other design or fashion based affair… you likes what you likes, and whatever reasons I have for my personal taste, no amount of reasoning will persuade the luddites who don’t agree with me! As for the definition of ‘iconic’ in local architectural terms, my guess is you will have to look to some of the older gaffs… watch this space for more lessons in the finer points of bricks and mortar, glass and steel, and the minutiae of what passes for design. Until we speak again I will sharpen my ‘Le Corbusier Juno’ persona.

[Images of Lloyds of London & Pompidou Centre, and a few of St. David’s Hotel are gratefully borrowed from google images to illustrate a point.]

Where did the sunshine go?

My ‘irrational optimist‘ is expressing a load of expletives, something to do with a ‘villa’. It has me very confused, because when I think of a villa I get the following images:

White & BlueHydra port

 

 

 

… sharply contrasting blue sky and white buildings.

 

 

 

 

 

Yachts slowly drifting into port…

Sunset Restaurant

 

 

 

 

 

… a meal overlooking the sea.

Hydra sunset 2

 

 

 

 

Boats disappearing into the sunset…

 

But it seems that the ‘Villa‘ in question today is something to do with the less salubrious Aston area of the city of Birmingham! Not even a reference to Alabama… it’s got more to do with Brummies arriving in town! Though how they will be getting here is anyone’s guess… it’s February, so they should be battling the snow. Instead, half the country is under water; so to get from England’s second city (as far away from the sea as you can get) to Wales first city (right by the sea) is going to require a boat!

   Stormy weather and the prospects of a stormy match; as the locals are quietly panicking about their ability to ride the crest of the Premier League wave beyond this first season. As for Aston Villa, they may be viewing mid-table safety as being within their grasp, but defeat today and it could be deja vu as laughing boy doesn’t spend much time out of the managerial sack-race spotlight.

It’s 7.45pm on a cold and wet Tuesday night in February… so welcome to the grim, the battered and the ugly! The first half sees the home team viewing this villa as something they could occupy and take control of, but not quite doing enough to make a clear purchase. Little signs emerge of the background storms invading this particular patch of real estate. Half-time dawns and it remains a becalmed 0-0.

City v Aston Villa

As the second half begins many of the home fans are slow to get back to their seats, possibly not entirely convinced that the necessary storm surge is going to engulf their opponents. Fears turn to reality as the half progresses, and it is the turn of Villa-folk to eye up an opportunity to gazump any home team offer to take the match. Finally, and not for the first time this season, it is up to Cardiff’s main line of flood defence, their goal keeper David Marshall, to pull out one of the saves of the season to preserve one point for his team.

So, with prior expectations of both teams desperately needing three points for the win, a stormy battle was on the cards… but in football, Estate Agent type levels of exaggeration are made but rarely reflected in the bleak reality. As for the final score, it ends up as a becalming Basement Flat 0 Under-whelming Villa 0.

Until we speak again the forecast suggests I am going to be batten-down-the-hatches Juno!

[A few pictures in this post were gratefully borrowed from sources on google images to illustrate points being made].

In a parallel universe

Atlantic Wharf       local weir

 

 

 

 

I was just contemplating the peace and tranquility of my local area when it was rudely interrupted by one of those rival birds. Those at home around me who would benefit by ‘getting a life’ tell me that the Bluebirds are away to their local rivals, Swansea, today.

Nobody passes!So, why are they in my backyard, and trying to recreate the ‘Black Knight’ sketch from Monty Python and the Holy Grail? “Nobody passes by here” was the implication of this creature’s demeanour; and a pretty mean demeanour it struck too.

Being a pacifist cat, I retreated from what would only result in the usual nasty Cardiff – Swansea affair. Personal dignity was my primary concern.

Swan burglary

But these swans do not seem to share my more delicate contemplations and meditations on peace and quiet.

“Where are you, I know where you live” were the threat-like remonstrations from my long-necked tormenter.

I reluctantly became drawn into my inquisitor’s more base conduct… “You and who’s army” I enquired, in my politest of tones. But little did I expect the beaky one to bring the whole family in on the altercation…

Swan family 2012 2

 

I was beginning to get the hang of this Mexican standoff routine… “Bring your family, all the more meals for me next week” I retorted. But, in true poker playing style the feathered-one upped the ante with a call to more troops that would have been better deployed at Swansea’s ‘Liberty Stadium’ for the Premier League grudge match:

Swan armada [2]

You can use threats and intimidation as much as you like, but ultimately for us stylish cats it is the elegance of our demeanour that will always triumph… but just occasionally a flash of the gnashers is regrettably required…

Roath park lake [5]

… and the swans go diving for cover. Synchronised swans arses can mean only one thing… peace is once again restored in the Juno universe.

As for the match taking place in a parallel universe somewhere out west, serenity has clearly been denied, as my domestic ‘religious correspondent‘ is busy praying, begging, searching for any spare miracles that might have been mislaid in my personal conquest of the white renegade hoards. It is so undignified, but what else can you expect from football fans, particularly those on the end of a 3-0 defeat to their bitterest rivals?

Until we speak again I intend to be imperious Juno, and my household will be a place of merciless mirth-taking with regards to all losers!

[The cat pictures have been borrowed from google images, with special thanks to their originators for providing additional material to illustrate this tale].

The Tourist ‘Bored’

It’s the time of year when we are all bombarded by ads for destinations to visit during the forthcoming months, as well as the wider economic attractions of just about everywhere. I am sure from the wording that some of these things are put together by Estate Agents, so it got me thinking about ways to promote my new found home, and what it truly has to offer, particularly for cats with open minds and a taste for the different.

1. For the intrepid traveller there are excellent rail links, with a welcoming environment to arrive in:

Top class rail links

2. For the local traveller we have designed some of our bus stops on a more traditional welcoming Irish theme (you don’t have to wait for 17th March):

Irish bus stop

3. If it’s buildings that you are into there are some architectural wonders, accommodating the old and the new, or simply something to leave the connoisseur, well, just wondering:

Architectural wonders 4. We are not short on the cultural venues for staging, well, I’m not sure what they stage exactly, but they’ve been around for a good while:

Cultural centres5. But if your idea of culture is more about films, there are a variety of cinemas in which to see what the gritty British Film Industry is all about (even if you can’t get in any more):

Cinematic experiences6. We have water-based theme parks, with rides that will baffle old and young alike:

Water based theme park7. And staying with the water theme, there is always an opportunity for the adventurous among you, such as those who like snorkeling for instance:

Innovative traffic control schemes8. For the fashion conscious, make sure you get the right week… there is nothing in London, Milan, New York or Paris to match the local models demonstrating the latest in rainy-day chic:

Ground breaking Fashion9. This is a city that thinks highly of it’s lost sons and daughters, so do pay your respects to those who sacrificed all to save the planet:

Dead icons10. And for those of you scouting to re-locate your business there is state-of-the-art open plan offices just waiting to accommodate you, with built-in air conditioning at no extra cost:

Open plan officesBut, with all of the above on offer, the true attraction of Cardiff is the permanent blue skies framing iconic architecture (old and new), with a welcoming and relaxing atmosphere in which to just eat, drink and be merry.

Mermaid Quay

Until we speak again I have been Juno, living in Cardiff so I can bring you nothing but joy and tranquility.

Hooves and Trotters

[Some of the following images have been copied from ‘images of…’ on the internet, and are included with thanks to those who originally placed them].

To all my vegetarian eaters I say “get a proper diet, leave the poor weak vegetarians alone, other than giving others a fright with their pale and drawn complexions they didn’t do anything to you.” Personally, I and my species just don’t get it; I wasn’t born with these teeth just to go bringing down broccoli or cornering cabbages for the kill.

When I am contemplating what I fancy eating there is nothing I like more than to see the menu written all over my prey. What better way is there of supporting the great 21st century ethos of consumer choice and providing information through clear product labelling!

But I was even more delighted to see that my culinary psychopathic teachings were put into action just the other day, when my resident ‘flesh chomper‘ was joined by an ‘ex-pat carnivore‘ from the Philippines, as they scoured the local prairies for something to fill the time and space between beers. I strongly advised them to only eat things that recently carried a name… like Gertrude and Daisy, or Pinky and Perky. After all, you don’t know what kind of situation you’ve landed yourself in if the host is talking about ‘Florence the fennel’ or ‘Angelica the artichoke’.

First stop was The Wharf, where Cardiff’s version of Little Venice meets the toxic algae of the Bute East Dock:

Swans at lunch

Lily pads

 

 

 

 

 

A fine pint of the Brains SA was accompanied by freshly served portions of pig… succulent pork chops or the delicate arrangement of bangers and mash with onion gravy.

The Wharf

A pint in the City ArmsFurther pints of Brains SA and Oakham Citra in the City Arms made for a pleasurable interruption to the eating:

It seems that whenever these characters get together the film Groundhog Day gets a re-enactment… just as day follows night, so beer and eating follow, well, beer and eating! It’s another day, but enough of the samples from the sty, it was time for a few hooves to make the ultimate sacrifice; and where better for a beer interruption than a place called The Grazing Shed, where a multi-storey car park meets a multi-storey building site:

The Grazing Shed [5]

 

Cardiff’s tribute to a US classic meets locally sourced ingredients to produce Super Tidy BurgersThis is the part of Cardiff where John Wayne meets Spicy Pedro

 

The Grazing Shed [4]

Grazing Shed [1]

A great new idea in fast food arrives in Cardiff. This is no ordinary run-of-the-mill burger, these are the Ronseal of the burger world… ‘super tidy burgers‘ that do what they say on the cows backside. Even veggie varieties are available for those with enough energy to walk from the car (though you might want to ask the nice staff if they do a roadside delivery to conserve the stress on vital organs).

Grazing Shed [2]

 

This place is building its reputation on an all ingredients are locally sourced theme. One claim is that butchers supply their meat from Carmarthen… it certainly tasted fresh, and though we weren’t left spitting out hooves, you do get the impression that Daisy might just be out back succumbing to a vigorous crash diet!

So, for all of you poorer gastronomes, and those of you needing a respite between fillet steaks, I will continue to tutor my ‘resident food taster‘ in the delights of a varied budget. Until we eat again I intend to be Juno.

Somebody has to…

Jesus Loves

My ‘religious correspondent‘ has identified a source of tremendous salvation for all of you out there on the eight-lane black top, the car-dominated cities of the world, the highways and the freeways, the motorways and the turnpikes, in your smog and exhaust fume riddled existence… Jesus Loves You!

If you are reading this while driving along a Los Angeles freeway, the likelihood is that you are infringing rather than breaking any laws… as vehicular movement is likely to be minimal. As you glance at the Hollywood sign on the hill you are probably blissfully unaware of Gabalfa. But, as a cat steeped in observation of my surroundings, I can assure you that Gabalfa is the Cardiff based equivalent of your present dilemma. It is a point on the planet where a four-lane flyover intersects with a moment that bridges across the world as a simple dual carriageway spans East and West (as Eastern Avenue becomes Western Avenue, or vice versa depending on your direction of travel). This could quite easily be the Istanbul of Wales if it wasn’t for the complete lack of any culture, intellectual interest or iconic imagery.

I am particularly taken by the other-wordly claws at the bottom of the picture. Either this is the devil’s representative encroaching on the ‘heavenly love‘ bestowed on a bunch of non-descript residences flanking a few hundred metres of boring blacktop; or could it be that a wizzened old Gabalfarian has been religiously press-ganged into making an appearance to support the generosity of the claim made of the bearded one.

The following images are gratefully downloaded from internet sources to illustrate Glorious Gabalfa, and leave you in no doubt or uncertainty about the task faced by the lordly one in his love-spreading endeavours:

Until we speak again I have been your worshipful Juno, forever baffled by the claims attributed to and by religious faiths.